“… except for Batman because he’s fucking awesome” ~ me
Batman is the turned up to eleven American version of Sherlock Holmes. He keeps the keen detective skills ditches the posh bookish possibly autistic nature then adds ninja powers, a rampant disregard for collateral damage, enough weapons to give proponents of the military industrial complex joyous priapism’s, and baffling amounts of paranoia. He is the American ideal of justice. A ‘stay the hell off my lawn’ approach to vigilantism that gloriously pelvic thrusts in the face of normal judicial procedure. And we applaud him. Also, and more importantly to my point, he’s pants-shittingly insane.
The problem
You might say “Batman is awesome and he defeats evil villains” and this is undeniably true. But that’s not the debate. “What’s the debate?” you might helpfully ask. It’s that Bruce Wayne should have never been Batman. Not because Batman isn’t awesome it’s because he is the least effective measure for helping.
He could use his money for a better cause
Bill Gates was more than likely was an insufferable bastard who ruined people’s lives in order to claim dominance in the marketplace. Now that he’s retired he’s spending his fortune to fight crime as night as a hooded figure. Wait no. He’s trying to fucking end malaria. He’s donating his money to the better of mankind. Like a sane and moral person might do.
Look at Manoj Bhargava, the Billionaire CEO for five hour energy. He’s pledging 99% of his wealth to charity (that still leaves him with over 10 million dollars) and he’s funding important research into solving world threatening problems like drought, energy problems, and healthcare. He makes me feel like a dick and I routinely give to charity and donate blood to the Red Cross.
These guys are making a difference to millions of people with philanthropy not face punching. Yes they do lose on that fact that face punching looks way better on film.
In Batman Begins Ra's Al Ghul admits that he uses economics as a weapon and Bruce’s parents were the bulwark against corruption and degradation. Then Bruce runs away from his problems and his beloved city starts dying. We see the sharp contrast in the city after the Wayne’s stop being the protector of the city. Instead of fixing this he pursues a personal vendetta and punches people.
He didn’t work out his issues
Batman is not a sane person. No sane person thinks the solution to fighting crime is dressing up like a leather daddy crossed with a furry. Furries like bats right? Maybe… I don’t know. I’m not messing up my browsing history with that question I already get enough weird ad placements.
Or that whole one rule he refuses to break. Does he really think his no killing rule is the only line that keeps him away from the bad guys? That’s irresponsibly stupid. If a criminal mastermind consistently evades the law, constantly breaks out of jail, kills people for fun and generally commits heinous crimes maybe you could revise that idea.
Also obviously no one dies from the whole property damage and explosions caused by the batmobile. But that’s off panel/screen/out of view so that’s okay. It’s like changing the channel when those feed the hungry kids in Africa commercial comes on. It’s still happening but you’d don’t see it.
Then there is the whole young sidekick thing. No one seems to have an issue with this? If a rich dude wandered around town with a young boy and dressed him like mini me version and they weren’t related... even Xenu’s lawyers couldn’t protect you from the court of public opinion.
He beats up people with crushing mental problems
Arkham Asylum is the home for criminal insane. Not the criminally maladjusted the insane. And Batman’s method for dealing with this? Punching them in the face and growling “I am the night!” Maybe, just maybe, it might behoove him to pay for proper psychiatric care and try to separate these lunatics from other crazy people instead of amassing his army of villains in one locations. Nothing bad can happen when you put a whole bunch of vengeful and determined people in the same space with a similar driving goal. Good thinking bats. When the flash is better at dealing with crazy people maybe you should hang up the cowl.
Trust problems
For a guy who ends up having a squad of sidekicks he sure has a trust issue. He seems to have no problem installing a surveillance state. It’s totally normal for a guy to have a super computer full of notes on everyone and plans how to defeat his justice friends just in case? No, that might be bad thing and come back to bite you in the ass? You mean rampant paranoia has drawbacks? Maybe I should get rid of my tinfoil hat collection.
I wonder if there any other circumstances where his lack of trust affected plans to help the city? Oh like the time he defunded a project that could have helped create plentiful energy but could create a terrible weapon but inexplicably left that item around just in case for someone to exploit. Nah.
In conclusion
Batman is great fiction but a terrible human being. Also if he's such a good detective why the hell is his other go to move yelling where is she? And why the hell if he was a ninja did his fighting skills consist of haymakers and grunting in The Dark knight Rises? But hey at least they never used CGI for his suit.
Ben
