Dinosaurs Didn’t Go Extinct They Were Just Cancelled

Certain things were way more awesome when I was a kid.  Dinosaurs was one of them.  And if you say otherwise so help me Kyle I will smash that chocolate pudding in your chubby little face.  Depending on your field of study everyone seems to have a different idea on why they they’re gone.  Geologists might talk about the soil consistency during that period being tainted by soot which trends towards meteorite impact and a poison cloud or some bullshit.  Biologist might argue evolution took hold and the dinosaurs never died out they just changed  Because apparently biologist are boring and hate fun.  A theologist probably has no thought on the matter as dinosaurs weren’t covered in any holy book.  The Bible would be so much more awesome with dinosaurs (Also light sabers).  I like to think of it more in the Jules Verne sense.  It got too cold and they just went inside.  Then when they went to see if winter was over they saw us and said “Fuck it, we’ll stay in these intricate cave systems.”

I wonder if dinosaurs came back, could they be domesticated?  How the fuck would PETA dael with that?  How bitching would it be to ride to work on a triceratops.  Fuck you traffic.  Hey, is that Kyle?  Fuck up his car.  Jousting would be so much more awesome with raptors.  I would, however, feel bad for the T-rex with all the short arm jokes that would go around.  But, honestly, if you don’t see the humor in a five year old berating a goddamn T-rex and humbling him it to tears over arm length I don’t want to know you.  But what next?  Would dinos become like us?  Would we have an anorexic Dilophosaurus?  Note here the dilophosaurus is already the douche bag of the Paleolithic as they have built in faux hawks.  I would pay good money to see a stegosaurus read the Talmud with a kippah and a tallit. Maybe we could tape some fake payot (think Jewish sideburns) to his head.  I assume it’s a he, hence the male sideburns, but I think it might be rude to ask.  Also will they wear pants or maybe act like cartoon characters and just wear a shirt.  I imagine Utah raptor’s would wear popped collar polos and designer sunglasses.  Will I say anything about it to them, no.  Damn it scientist ignore Jeff Goldblum and get on making some fucking dinosaurs.  Life finds a way, right?  Make me some fucking T-rex then.  Imagine the dog whisperer spin offs we could have…

Ben