List of Awesomeness: Part Two

Just to make sure you guys get the appropriate dose of awesome I’ve decided to let you in on next part of the list.  Let’s continue in no particular order or demarcation of importance.

1. Sriracha

A gift directly from the spice goddess.  It’s probably the perfect blend of heat and flavor.  Like getting kissed by a spicy angel.  It can elevate bland crappy food above acceptable.

This spicy wonder was invented by David Tran a man who emigrated to America from Vietnam in the late seventies.  Asia has probably never forgiven us for making a better hot sauce.  One of the cool things is the business I entirely family ran and shockingly it’s “never advertised its products, relying instead on word of mouth, the phone number listed on its products, and its website.”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Huy_Fong_Foods

http://blogs.ocweekly.com/stickaforkinit/2011/01/sriracha_infographic_facts.php

2. Zorro

He was wealthy playboy Alejandro De La Vega carousing with the oppressors of the common men and women of a predominantly Spanish California (back when California was more Mexico than United States).  He then donned the mask and alter ego of Zorro to fight the very men he gained trust from.  So he used his wealth and status to undermine those of his own social caste to fight for equality.  Kind of like the Scarlet Pimpernel but with a better name and a Latin flavor.  But most importantly without Zorro there wouldn’t be Batman.  And thanks to Zorro the world got to see Catherina Zeta Jones before she was Michael Douglas’ed.

3. The Goddamn Batman

The.  Goddamn.  Batman.

4. Teddy Roosevelt

Bully for you!  Rounding out part of the badass Presidents wing is this man.  A man who punched childhood sickness in the face then went out into the wilderness to hunt something.  Although Teddy was at times weaponless, on rare occasions, (I think he may have slept with a shotgun under his pillow and a small cannon under the mattress) he was never unarmed.  The man was a true Chuck Norris joke.  Undeniably a great man he is also one of only three Presidents with a Noble Peace prize (however, the whole Nobel Peace prize can be called into question when you think about the fact that Gandhi never got one). 

5. Uppercuts

There are four pretty basic punches in boxing; a jab; a cross; a hook; and a uppercut.  I like to think of the jab, cross, hook as rocks, paper, scissors and the uppercut as magnum revolver.  It’s a thing a beauty in the right hands.  It’s probably one of the few things both Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat got right.

6. Caffeine

The savior of the workday.  It enlivens your brain and speeds you up without the jitters of the uppers.  Without caffeine coffee, one of my good friends, would be muddy water and that's only good if you're a  famous blues musician.

7. Rags

Rags was a war hero, an inspiration and a very good boy.  Abandoned on the street of France he was saved by a American soldier.  A dog’s dog, Rags helped run vital messages from the front line.  He was able to predict incoming shells or rather his canine sense alerted the humans with less fine tuned senses of the incoming shells.  He saved countless lives and was able to retire home after the war. Though he was in the thick of trench warfare he managed to survive being gassed and hit by shrapnel to be able to eventually get smuggled to America.  He died at age 20 and was buried with full military honors.  Oh, and he learned how to salute as well.  Which is both badass and completely adorable.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rags_(dog)

8. Whiskey

Whiskey is a Gaelic word meaning "water of life."  It’s the drink of cowboys and manly men.  You can drink expensive or sophisticated or exhaust fume like brands such as Old Granddad.  It may very well put hair on your chest.

9. Bill Murray

The man has been in some of the greatest comedies of all time.  His immensely quotable performance in Caddyshack was only over the course of four days and was predominantly ad libbed.  The only more quotable movie: Ghostbusters (if you say Airplane so help me Kyle I will punch you, I will punch you with the fury of the internet and the net is fifty percent seething geek rage).  Also Zombieland synched his awesomeness.   While Garfield the movie is inexcusable he actually thought it was written by one of the Coen brothers not Joel Cohen (who did write it).  In my dreams Bill Murray gives advice to the Dalia Llama not the other way around.

10. Nikola Tesla

The man has invented, against foes of progress and science, much of the wonder of the past century.  Without some of the setbacks that have occurred he may well have discovered unlimited energy and other reasonably helpful advances.  The man was like a portal into insanity and scientific revelation.  Also he was portrayed by David Bowie in a movie and that can only help.  I’m pretty sure if you stand over his grave you get free wifi and your electronics are powered.

It’s also possible the man probably just faked his death because he was sick of dealing with people like Edison or any of the other wealthy assholes who ruining the gifts he would have brought to the world.  Sadly we treat our geniuses rather poorly for the most part.  He was crazy enough to do it.

Ben