Showing posts with label Awesomeness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Awesomeness. Show all posts

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Batman is the villain

“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.” ~ Nietzsche
“… except for Batman because he’s fucking awesome” ~ me

Batman is the turned up to eleven American version of Sherlock Holmes.  He keeps the keen detective skills ditches the posh bookish possibly autistic nature then adds ninja powers, a rampant disregard for collateral damage, enough weapons to give proponents of the military industrial complex joyous priapism’s, and baffling amounts of paranoia.  He is the American ideal of justice.  A ‘stay the hell off my lawn’ approach to vigilantism that gloriously pelvic thrusts in the face of normal judicial procedure.  And we applaud him.  Also, and more importantly to my point, he’s pants-shittingly insane.

The problem
You might say “Batman is awesome and he defeats evil villains” and this is undeniably true.  But that’s not the debate.  “What’s the debate?” you might helpfully ask.  It’s that Bruce Wayne should have never been Batman.  Not because Batman isn’t awesome it’s because he is the least effective measure for helping.

He could use his money for a better cause
Bill Gates was more than likely was an insufferable bastard who ruined people’s lives in order to claim dominance in the marketplace.  Now that he’s retired he’s spending his fortune to fight crime as night as a hooded figure.  Wait no.  He’s trying to fucking end malaria.  He’s donating his money to the better of mankind.  Like a sane and moral person might do.

Look at Manoj Bhargava, the Billionaire CEO for five hour energy.  He’s pledging 99% of his wealth to charity (that still leaves him with over 10 million dollars) and he’s funding important research into solving world threatening problems like drought, energy problems, and healthcare.  He makes me feel like a dick and I routinely give to charity and donate blood to the Red Cross.

These guys are making a difference to millions of people with philanthropy not face punching.  Yes they do lose on that fact that face punching looks way better on film.

In Batman Begins Ra's Al Ghul admits that he uses economics as a weapon and Bruce’s parents were the bulwark against corruption and degradation.  Then Bruce runs away from his problems and his beloved city starts dying.  We see the sharp contrast in the city after the Wayne’s stop being the protector of the city.  Instead of fixing this he pursues a personal vendetta and punches people.

He didn’t work out his issues
Batman is not a sane person.  No sane person thinks the solution to fighting crime is dressing up like a leather daddy crossed with a furry.  Furries like bats right?  Maybe… I don’t know.  I’m not messing up my browsing history with that question I already get enough weird ad placements.

Or that whole one rule he refuses to break.  Does he really think his no killing rule is the only line that keeps him away from the bad guys?  That’s irresponsibly stupid.  If a criminal mastermind consistently evades the law, constantly breaks out of jail, kills people for fun and generally commits heinous crimes maybe you could revise that idea.

Also obviously no one dies from the whole property damage and explosions caused by the batmobile.  But that’s off panel/screen/out of view so that’s okay.  It’s like changing the channel when those feed the hungry kids in Africa commercial comes on.  It’s still happening but you’d don’t see it.
Then there is the whole young sidekick thing.  No one seems to have an issue with this?  If a rich dude wandered around town with a young boy and dressed him like mini me version and they weren’t related... even Xenu’s lawyers couldn’t protect you from the court of public opinion.

He beats up people with crushing mental problems
Arkham Asylum is the home for criminal insane.  Not the criminally maladjusted the insane.  And Batman’s method for dealing with this?  Punching them in the face and growling “I am the night!”  Maybe, just maybe, it might behoove him to pay for proper psychiatric care and try to separate these lunatics from other crazy people instead of amassing his army of villains in one locations.  Nothing bad can happen when you put a whole bunch of vengeful and determined people in the same space with a similar driving goal.  Good thinking bats. When the flash is better at dealing with crazy people maybe you should hang up the cowl.

Trust problems
For a guy who ends up having a squad of sidekicks he sure has a trust issue.  He seems to have no problem installing a surveillance state.  It’s totally normal for a guy to have a super computer full of notes on everyone and plans how to defeat his justice friends just in case?  No, that might be bad thing and come back to bite you in the ass?  You mean rampant paranoia has drawbacks?  Maybe I should get rid of my tinfoil hat collection.

I wonder if there any other circumstances where his lack of trust affected plans to help the city?  Oh like the time he defunded a project that could have helped create plentiful energy but could create a terrible weapon but inexplicably left that item around just in case for someone to exploit.  Nah.

In conclusion
Batman is great fiction but a terrible human being.  Also if he's such a good detective why the hell is his other go to move yelling where is she?  And why the hell if he was a ninja did his fighting skills consist of haymakers and grunting in The Dark knight Rises?  But hey at least they never used CGI for his suit.

Ben

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

How to Fix Bad Movies: The Expendables

Every time you pay to see a bad movie you embolden horrible people to make soulless explosions and kick puppies.  There may be salvation (with or without Terminators) in  that if we stop buying tickets to bad movies Hollywood will eventually stop making them, maybe, I hope.  But for now we’ll deal with awful movies of transforming robots trying desperately to make me hate everything around me.  I think the series has devolved into CGI robots flipping me off but I’m no longer sure through my rage soaked vision.  Sometimes I get so angry my eyesight gets a bit hazy like in video game when your character gets too much damage.  I think Michael Bay either hates people or is just doing this on a dare.  Either way fuck that guy.

And you the audience is to blame, well, partially.  The whole international audience thing isn’t helping.  But when studios take a chance on a project that’s a bit out of the ordinary, one the internet clamors for, we tend to just not go.  Scott Pilgrim which was a film that is as anti-transformers as you can get without being an indie film about deep feelings and stuff performed poorly.  The internet screams and rallies and demands geeky tradition but the denizens of the dark corners aren’t shelling out money for the tickets to the right films.

Also, for some reason, sequels starting becoming more popular than the original film in terms of ticket sales.  There used to be predicable model of diminishing returns for films.  It’s the reason that even with diminishing quality (see Pirates of the Caribbean and Austin Powers) franchises still grow in quantity of sales.

But if we can’t stop bad movies and we can’t stop awful sequels we can at least bitch about it on the internet and propose better versions.  Here is one of mine.  Man, I am so good at segues.

The Expendables
From all reports Expendables 3 was awful and I refuse to give it money.  Even the morbid curiosity of seeing ancient creaking behemoths spout pithy one liners while pretending to relive the glory days can’t bring me to the theater.

So how would I fix this?  First I’d kill some people, and not the way the second film did which is totally cheating.  For those that didn’t see “Expendable 2: The Next Paycheck” they introduced a new guy you were supposed to like with the sole intention of having the bad guy kill them to motivate Stallone to exact revenge.  I understand why he did it and I appreciate at least some of the effort but I just didn’t care about this guy.  We as an audience didn't have much affinity for the new guy and felt less when he died.  Cliffhangar has a much more impactful death in the first few minutes that I actually cared about.   You’d think Sly would remember that.

The Expendable films aren’t that great to begin with anyway.  The first one felt detached - Stallone let his crew risk their lives because he had a crush on a lady he hardly knew.  The second one was a bit more fun but already felt bloated with cast.  But the third one overcrowds things even more and we don't really give a shit.

So how do we make this cynical Millennial audience care (are Millennials cynical, I’m not sure anymore)?

We start with the crew on a mission and things go nicely.  They are imbued with the invincible nature of being action stars.  But then they have a close call but not too close as it’s still the first act.  Maybe they talk about disbanding or being more careful or losing a step.  Something just to tip off maybe they aren’t invincible.  They fly home smoking, drinking, and talking about chest hair or something manly.  Arriving at the office they find it to be a smoldering rubble pile.  There is a lone knife stuck in the ground (this knife is important).  We see Mickey Rourke’s hat blow by in the wind.  If it’s R (which it should be bloodless violence is just a cartoon and again removes us from any manner of reality) we see his bloody arm sticking out.  Bam, we have investment.  Now we have set that shit can go wrong.

One by one the crew is picked off either killed, captured, imprisoned, set up, or hospitalized.  Have a car chase.  Jet Li has a martial arts fight because the man is a fucking martial arts legend and having him shoot someone instead of kicking them to oblivion is just insulting.  Don't kill the whole crew of expendables (now the name actually makes sense) but kill at least two or more.  Make it feel like they are in real danger.  Stallone and Statham are forced to get help.  Keep them on the run.  They recruit some people but they aren’t happy about it.  The new guys try to impress them and we care that they are constantly being compared to the others.  No one can pop and lock like Terry Crews and exclaim “woo!” you fucking imposter.  Go to your room and think about what you’ve done.

So they “investigate” the bad guy and find a few things about him/her.  Remember this is an Expendables movie so investigating is either done via shooting or extremely quick, albeit manly, exposition.  They find out where this mystery villain will be and plan on crashing the party.  But it’s a trap.  Statham is captured, Stallone wounded, and we get the big reveal of the villain.  It’s the son of Eric Robert’s bad guy from first movie.  That knife buried in the building was like the one that killed his father.

We get a person with acting ability to deliver his bad guy speech about ruining Statham and crew.  He is going to bury his name, his friends, everything.  He wants him to suffer, death is too convenient.  So now they have to stage a rescue operation.  The new guys make up a plan while a weak Stallone advises as he convalesces.   The new guys storm the bad guy’s lair while one of them stays behind and monitors from afar.  Stallone calls the shots from his bedside.  The dude staying behind ends up being a traitor and Stallone in his weakened state has to fight him.  Generally when we have ridiculous mismatches there needs to be some malady afflicting the hero to make the fight seem less ridiculous.  An old knee injury, being shot, et cetera.  Otherwise its like Mohammed Ali versus your kindergarten teacher who took a few martial arts classes once.  The new guys are ambushed and they have to fight for their life.  The big bad guy finding out his mole is dead plans on going to find Stallone.  Statham, freshly rescued, and the newbies go to find him.  The race to the final confrontation.  We should have some convenient event make it so that only Statham gets to Stallone.  The new guys have to deal with the other bad guys or a pile of ninjas, like a whole undulating mass of them, or just a bunch of angry bad guys with gun.  Stallone should sacrifice himself for Statham.  Statham then has the final showdown, a knife fight.  The bad guy dies and life his father takes the knife and then is shot repeatedly by a dying Stallone.  They have a nice funeral for Stallone and Statham tosses in the hat with the expendables symbol on it.  Roll credits.

Or just have a shitty pg-13 nonsense that makes no sense and is seemingly designed to insult the audience.  Test groups would probably hate that Stallone is dead or insert him punching his fist through the coffin giving a thumbs up as he is lowered into the ground.  I can only hope there isn’t an Expendables 4: Old Men and Pointless Explosions.

Ben

Monday, February 24, 2014

List of Awesomeness: Part Three

I feel very confident in my ability to compile a list of things that are awesome.  I plan on making it my doctoral dissertation one day.  Let’s continue the list in no particular order or demarcation of importance.


1. Urinal separators

There is a strange rarely spoken etiquette for men’s restrooms.  One primary rule is its rude to look at another man’s junk.  It can be an awkward experience peeing next to someone, especially in a crowded rest room.  Most gentleman won’t be standing arms akimbo like Superman peeing away majestically.  It runs the gambit from uptight guys who stare straight ahead with a small bead of perspiration falling slowly down their face to others who simply couldn’t care where they are and offer loud exclamations, fart audibly, sigh, groan, or worst of all strike up conversation.  Urinal separators give us men much needed separation and space.

2. A Good Toast
I’ve been to several weddings and most of the speeches have been acceptable.  One was almost disastrous, raising audible moans and sharp exhales at the missteps taken.  There were hushed voices and people leaning in conspiratorially to remark, “did she really just say that?”  I spent weeks mulling over my best man speech.  I had been given a lot of bad advice, with wonderful intentions, and ignored it all.  My favorite bad advice was simply to wing it.  Winging it is never good.  I tense up if I don’t see a small piece of paper in the best man or maid of honors hand as they given the microphone.  While I felt I did admirably and had many congratulations the best toast I have heard was from my Uncle the night before my cousin’s, his son’s, wedding.  He spoke softly but was able to command the attention of quite a few loaded up patrons.  He had the exact amount of humor and emotion.  I was extremely honored to be there.  And that is what a toast is meant to be.  It should be the distillation of long amount of effort into a special moment to commemorate and remind us that life is precious and that these good moments will be remembered.  A toast is a life affirming moment where we revel in our good company and proclaim our luck at having such good friends and family.

3. Fruit snacks
I freaking love fruit snacks.  There is something so purely wonderful in this small globule of processed sugar.  It is also my go to I feel like crap snack.  When I’ve had stomach issues (ranging from explosively unpleasant to I’m going to lie down when I play video games) this is what I eat.

4. Yoga Pants
The yoga pant is the push up bra for the behind.  It also has that spandex clingy deal going on which is vastly appreciated by us men.  All things being equal the yoga pant is non-discriminating so all manner of people can wear it, even those who you want to burn your eyes out after seeing them in it.  But that’s not the fault of yoga pants that is the fault of bad people.  Also, apparently they are rather comfy.

5. Jadav Payeng: the guy who planted a forest
As a teenager Jadav say took pity on some snakes, one of Nature’s terror factories, that happened to die in the sun displaced in an inhospitable land.  He started, by himself, to turn a barren sandbar into a thriving ecosystem.  He carefully seeded the burgeoning forest and nurtured balance with actions like physically bringing in ants to help the nascent ecosystem.  Now home to numerous plants and endangered animal species he has created, single handedly, a 1,360-acre forest over the past 30 years.  For scale Central Park is 778 acres (also it has a 37.5 million annual budget and I’m guessing an employee base of more than one).

http://www.younews.in/news/man-plants-a-forest-all-by-himself/

6. Stand up comedy
Laughter is a good thing.  Heck its health benefits are even noted.  Stand up comedy is just some possibly deranged, most often maladjusted, person standing in front of a audience trying to make people happy.  It’s a horrifying trade in a sense.  Up alone in front of rows of eyes being judged by something as hard to measure as taste.  Good comedy is a reflection of ills in society.  Good comedy makes us look closer at ourselves and think deeply about our lives.  Comedy is harder than dying.

7. NASA
Besides flinging people in space, which was done with items like protractors and slide rules and is perhaps one of the coolest things ever, NASA has brought humanity numerous scientific discoveries that have benefitted our way of life.  Anything satellite technology would not be in the same place it is now without NASA.  But less obvious without NASA we wouldn’t have or wouldn’t be as advanced in our knowledge of; memory foam; hearing aids; insulin pumps; water filters; invisible braces; invisible braces; scratch resistant lenses; shoe insoles; ear thermometers (usually kinda helpful with those small screeching baby things); shoe insoles (borrowing from space boots springy designs); safety grooving (those little channels dug into runways and highways); improved water filters; computer microchips (first designed for Apollo’s guidance); insulation that funky stuff that looks a wee bit like cotton candy (you’d think they choose a color that doesn’t evoke food when you know a child at one point would be exposed to it by itself at one point); and joysticks (also Apollo).  More impressive are items like Lifeshears.  Mini portable high tech jaws of life that slice through impairments in a fraction of the time and were instrumental in saving lives in both the Oklahoma City bombings (1995) and the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Centers (2001).  But forget just saving our lives in times of disaster NASA also helps the environment with solutions that can neutralize toxic chemicals in the groudnwater (maybe we could use this in combination with all the problems with fraking)

http://www.howstuffworks.com/innovation/inventions/top-5-nasa-inventions.htm
http://www.discovery.com/tv-shows/curiosity/topics/ten-nasa-inventions.htm
http://www.design-laorosa.com/2012/11/26-nasa-inventions-that-we-take-for.html
http://dsc.discovery.com/tv-shows/curiosity/topics/ten-nasa-inventions.htm

8. Wikipedia
A free online lookup for virtually everything that is far more informative than anything on the news.  It’s free you guys.  Like in the same PBS manner of hey can you spare a few coins so we don’t shut down due to expense costs.  Seriously, have you spent time on the site?  It’s like a random interesting fact generator/slash time suck.

9. Mr. Rogers
If you don’t like Mr. Rogers there is something truly, deeply, irrevocably wrong with you.  Perhaps the nicest person to grace the planet during my lifetime.  Every one of his cardigans was hand knit by his mother.  He got on televisions because he disliked TV (that’s changing the system from within).  He really made people feel special because he really was curious about people.  The story about his limo driver floating around is one of the more touching.  He invited his limo driver in from the cold during a long meeting and then stopped by his house and hosted an impromptu party and played the piano.  He kept in touch with the driver.

http://mentalfloss.com/article/16416/15-reasons-mister-rogers-was-best-neighbor-ever
http://www.lovelyish.com/2013/05/08/4-more-reasons-to-love-mr-rogers-as-if-you-needed-another/

10. Ferrets
They are god damn cute and they helped Ahnold in Kindergarten Cop.  Also the female ferret will die if it doesn’t have sex once a year.  Actually that’s kind of a bummer ignore that and focus on ahnold.  He never bites, unless you’re a bad guy then he bites which is rather helpful.  I want one desperately but I can’t because Mac will totally try to eat the ferret.  And I don’t like the idea of a ferret ball cage thing.

http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2010/09/female-ferrets-will-die-if-they-dont-mate/

Ben

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Die Hard or The Problem with Action Movies

The idea that sequels and reboots are endemic only to this period in time is laughable. Hollywood was founded on stealing ideas and remakes. In that period it was mostly stealing from plays and books. If you look at the film Nosferatu, now considered to be a classic, it was simply a way of making Dracula when the estate said no. They simply changed a few bits and went ahead anyway.  Actually there was plenty of stealing, literally.  They actually placed signs in the background of the film as proof one company filmed it and not others so another company couldn’t just steal the reels.  Not a surprise when you find out that film had Edison as an early proponent.

Every once and a while there is a benchmark film that defines, or rather redefines, a genre. Die Hard is one of those movies. Interestingly enough Die Hard started its gestation as a sequel to Commando. This is not entirely uncommon. Quite often a script, an idea, or another intellectual property will be transformed entirely and laid over onto existing characters. The laughable sequel Die Hard 2 was based on the book “58 minutes”. A better example of an extreme makeover is Beverly Hills Cop. It was originally a vehicle for Stallone. The movie was changed heavily once Eddie Murphy, then contractual allowed to still be funny, was attached and a good deal of the film, notably the supercop speech, was improvised.  Watch that scene and you’ll notice John Ashtone (Taggart) is squeezing his nose and looking down trying not to laugh.  Judge Reinhold (Billy Rosewood)  was apparently pinching his inner thigh.

But Die Hard was so good it ended up setting back action films for decades because it became a formula. What was fresh then is now a bit played out. But subsequent copycat films have failed to follow its subtlety and expert hand. Die Hard, even though it was an action film, was actually a good piece of cinema that still stands up.

The first two shots of the movie speak volumes.  They set up important elements of the story with nuance. The first shot is a of plane landing (going from the right of the screen to the left). This usually indicates coming from the east and entering the west. The second shot is a close up of wedding ring. This sets up the most important element of the film. This is the first struggle introduced in the movie. The terrorists/thieves are introduced after the marriage problems of the McClane’s.  Shortly after the films shows McClane’s gun, the suspicion of the passenger who has sitting next to him, and the enormous stuffed bear (although Iron Man 3 wins at the ridiculously sized stuffed bear contest).  McClane explains he is a cop and this soothes the passenger’s suspicion.  This is the guy who indirectly causes McClane to have bloody feet later in the movie.  He explains to deal with stress you makes fists with your feet on the carpet.

Most stories have two plots. Generally there is the external struggle and the internal struggle. The better stories untie these two often disparate struggles and have them strengthen each other. We watch our protagonist along his or her path as they attempt to get past their hurdles. In Die Hard we are first introduced to the complication of John McClane’s marriage. The proud New York City cop has to deal with the success of his wife.  He wants her to give up her high paying business job and move back to the East coast to only be a mother to his children and a wife to him. To him their success is his success. He is trapped in the older mentality of the husband being the solitary provider and the decision maker. But this is a movie emblematic of it’s time. Women are entering the work place (Holly), Japanese businesses (Nakatomi Corporation) are buying up America and coked out yuppies (Ellis) run rampant.

Part of what sets Die Hard apart from other films is the realism of its characters. They aren’t simply one note stand ins. They have realistic relationships and reactions. It isn’t just bad guy #4 and #5.  There is sympathy for the normally unlikable characters; like Hans, Ellis and Karl.  It also had innovative, at the time especially, camera work.  The uses of the frame helped subtly tell internal feelings.  This is what film can do and books can’t.  Books can tell the inner thoughts of the characters while film is not only limited to facial expression unless it is under the direction of hacks (more explosions to cover up my laziness and incompetence!).

When we first see Holly she is among the crowd far below President Takagi (a not so subtle spatial reference to his power over those below).  Shotly after in her office (Holly Genero) we see pictures of her with the kids.  Then the audience finally sees a picture of John linking the two characters.  She turns the chair to obscure that picture further hinting at the trouble between them.  Then she puts the picture down so John is obscured.  This is important much later as Hans doesn’t see the face and the link.

Meanwhile John is in the limo and sitting upfront with Argyle.  The film is desperately trying to show how likable but out of touch he is.  The shows he is unused to limos, that he is comfortable with the working man, resistant to trappings of class, and grouchy (but in an endearing way).  When John gets to the building and walks through the lax but ever present and sophisticated security he notices Holly is listed under Gennero, her maiden name, and not McClane.

The inevitable argument between the two ensues and Holly walks out.  John shows he is upset with himself and not just the situation by banging his head on the door frame.  At this time he is making the mistakes of walking around bare footed.

The terrorists are introduced to the sound of music as they are calmly and methodically entering the Nakatomi building.  Fun note the truck they arrive in has ‘Pacific Courier’ on it. This translates to ‘Bringer of Peace’.  The guards are quickly disposed of and they have started to take control. At this point we have no idea why they are there.  Previous to this it was simply a melodrama about a cop stuck in the past and his wife who is dangerously close to leaving as he is forcing a choice between a successful career she chose and the life he chose for her.  Now it becomes, almost reluctantly an action movie.  The terrorists show some really personality here which is useful so they aren’t in people’s minds simply dude with a shotgun, gun with funny hair, the one who talks.  We know that there are two brothers;  the nerdier one (Tony), made obvious by his glasses and the fact he is hacking into the phone lines; and the burlier one (Karl) who delights in pushing around Tony.  He pulls out chainsaw while he is brother is work forcing him to sweat and work rapidly.  He risks an alarm and jeopardizing the plan to tease his brother.

McClane escapes into the stairwell once the fireworks start sadly still in bare feet.  He tried to stop the whole thing by pulling the fire alarm by the switchboard now operated by the terrorists stops this attempt.  Nerdy brother Tony confronts McClane but dies in the confrontation.  McClane shows his sense of humor and dressed him in a santa outfit.  Ho Ho Ho indeed.  This gives Karl an immediate need to kill McClane beyond simply he is a bad guy and John is a good guy.  Yay layers!  Like an ogre, or onion.  Or a parfait.  Everyone loves a parfait.  But let’s ignore the scene by scene breakdown.

Die Hard can be enjoyed as a dude simply shooting other dudes.  But it is so much more than that.  We have smart inventive characters.  Plot twists.  Yeah, they aren’t terrorists they’re just thieves, really good thieves.  Plus it had some rather snappy dialogue.

Supervisor: [as McClane tries to call up police] Attention, whoever you are, this channel is reserved for emergency calls only.
John McClane: No fucking shit, lady. Does it sound like I'm ordering a pizza?

While John is battling the bad guys Holly is trying to remain hidden and not be a pawn in the game.  Her boss Takagi, whom she tried to protect, already died violently.  There was a nice touch with Karl and Theo (the hacker) betting over the ending of the negotiation.  She now gets to see the infuriating side of her husband as a good thing.  His never-ending stubbornness and sense of humor are good in this situation.  It reaffirms to her that he is out there trying to save everyone.

Ginny: [Karl smashes a table of glasses in fury] God. That man looks *really* pissed.
Holly Gennero McClane: He's still alive.
Ginny: What?
Holly Gennero McClane: Only John can drive somebody that crazy.

Now it seems ridiculous that a beat cop could eventually bring down a group of well-prepared bad guys replete with Hans Gruber at the helm.  But the film treads lightly here.  Treating it as every second that he could, and should by all rights, be dead.  The first person he killed (Tony) died accidently when his neck was broken).  He fails in jumping in the elevator shaft and barely makes it to the vent to crawl through.  His feet were bloody due to having to run through broken glass.  He struggles on valiantly each time only barely surviving.  Jumping off the building with the fire hose attached he doesn’t cleanly make it inside.  The glass repels him.  His bloody feet leave red imprints.  He has to shoot the glass to get inside and even then he almost dies when the metal part attached to the hose falls dragging him with it.  At the end he is outgunned but he still prevails by his snarky comments and catching Gruber off guard.  He tells a joke and the all laugh.  Giving him long enough to shoot one of the henchmen and wound Gruber.  But we’ll jump back to that.

In these types of movies there is always the guy on the inside who sympathizes with the hero who gives him encouragement and moral support while he is fighting alone.  In this case we have Al the Twinkie enthusiast.  Surprisingly twinkies have played an important role in two of my favorite movies.

Dr. Peter Venkman: How's the grid holding up?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Not good.
Winston Zeddemore: Tell him about the Twinkie.
Dr. Peter Venkman: What about the Twinkie?

But I digress.  Al and “Roy” (McClanes cowboy persona) are linked by camera framing.  Whenever we see someone in the film talk to another character over phone or walkie talkie we see them in their respective side of the frame; one on the left and the other on the right.  Although they aren’t in the same space they are joined by this framing.  It’s done the same with Hans and McClane but this sets them up as adversaries and opposites.  The moments of levity in the film allow dark moments like Al’s explanation of never firing a gun. He admits to having killed a kid.  This informs much about the character.

While John is street smart Hans is book smart.  While Hans is tactical John is quick witted.  They both test each other.  One of the best sequences is when McClane finds Hans and Hans pretend to be an employee.  Looking at the list of names on the wall by the elevator McClane quizzes him.  Hans responds Bill, Clay and we see on the wall W. Clay confirming his deceit.

Back to Hans last moments.  He grabs onto Holly securing in his graps her watch.  The watch introduced earlier by the smug, and now dead, Ellis, is a symbol of her choice of work over marriage.  John relases the watch from her simultaneously defeated the bad guys and resolving, metaphorically, their marriage issues.  Or at least for the time being.

A film this good left a lasting impression.  The following four entries into the series all looked up their predecessor and all failed spectacularly.  The fourth and fifth movies turned the down on his luck cop into a superhero.  In the fifth entry the heroes simply leap through windows unaware of how they might land to escape.  The second movie had boring plot twists, boring bad guys, and removed any and all subtlety.  Also it added crappy effects and bad camera work.  The third film was probably the closest to the first but had a rather unenlightened ending.

But Die Hard can be seen in countless other movies from karate films like The Raid: Redemption (die hard with kicking, also killing a dude with a door which was way more awesome than it sounds) or Jean Claudes rather boring Sudden Death (replace the Nakatomi building with a Hockey arena and add mullets, splits and bad acting, sorry Powers Boothe).  It can also be seen in the surprisingly not awful Dredd reboot which was creatively named Dredd.

The problem often times with imitation is missing the point.  You copy the swagger the style but not the substance.  Other films just put up a super hero, a nigh invulnerable demi god who cannot possibly lose.  The pleasure is not in the conflict or its resolution as there is no real conflict just a minor inconvenience.  The audience know the hero will win there is no suspense, no tension.  The hero waltzes through danger with nary a scratch.  But in Die Hard John McClane is all scratches, gun shots, bloody feet, narrow escapes and heaps of luck.  Other action movies focus on building up an icon who is so indomitably badass that the pantheon of bad guys thrown his way as fodder seem comical.

Is it fair to say that Die Hard has really ruined action movies?  Not really, but every hack no uses that as blueprint.  After Fight Club came out we had all these other movies starting near the end or featuring twist endings revealing the protagonist not to be who they think they are.  But Hollywood will simply continue to recycle ideas until they are used up and shallow husks.  Until then Die Hard will be my Christmas tradition.  YKYMF!


Ben

Monday, May 20, 2013

Beer is Good For the World


Beer was probably found and not invented because beer is just that kind of thing, always helping out.  If beer was person he’s be your cool uncle who sneaks you into bars then keeps a watchful eye out for you all night and makes sure you went home safe.  The reason beer was discovered, and not invented, most likely  had to do with wild yeast.  Wild yeast is like the best goddamn Pokemon or something, gotta catch it all.  The film Beer Saves the World supposed some ancient human had this wet container of bubbling barley.  The rain filled up the container of barley and wild yeast had sexy time with all the sugars and primitive beer.  Because man is curious he probably drank the stuff.  He might have been pissed because he had hoped for dry and not bubbly barley.  However being the kind of guy who soberly decides to drink strange and new things decided fuck it I spent some time picking that stuff I’m not wasting it.  That was the proposed first experience with beer.  Three of the four main ingredients were there; barley; water; and yeast.  Hops as all that was missing.  That’s what gives beer it’s bitterness and aroma.

Beer is awesome.  It basically invented itself because it was tired of waiting.  The stuff was staple of diets for many civilizations.  Any old films got it wrong.  Egyptians didn’t drink wine they drank beer.  What do you think those monks brewed?  Beer.  Hey, you think beer is one of those predominantly male things that’s all about bro-skies and chauvinism?  Fuck that.  Some cultures only had women brew beer.  They were the brewsters , yes brewster is the feminine term for a brewer.  Certain cultures only had women brew.  Plus the word sounds like a drunk rooster.  Maybe the bastard won’t wake me up at five in morning.

Okay, so maybe beer is an equal opportunity thing and maybe people drank it for sustenance as it had the essential nutrients you needed (and was often of  much lower alcohol content so it’s not terrible for the kiddies to have it) but what else is so good about it.  What about healthy drinking water.  Eat that and you doubts Kyle.  Part of the brewing process is you know boiling, which tends to kil all manner of not so happy things.  And this is before things like germ theory.  Germ theory was before people knew that you shouldn’t handle “dirty” things before touching food.  Remember in the medieval times everything was fucking dirty.  Sewage treatment plants were the things goring in your pot before you hucked it out the window… into the street… where people were walking.  Again why men were supposed to walk on the outside closer to curb and protect the women from the splashes of actual shit.  That coat laying down thing.  So a lady wouldn’t soil herself in feces.  Those poor coats.  And backs… ick.

Well, what about those wine snobs and spirits enthusiast you?  Kyle, you just don’t give up do you?  Beer is complex as has lots of meaningful varietals just like more traditionally elegant spirits like whiskey (or whisky depending on the country of origin), or wine for that matter.  How many glasses is there for wine?  Two?  Paltry in comparison to beer.  The pilsner glass, one of many different beer glasses, has multiple styles alone.  You can pair beer with food just as well as wine or spirits.  Oh, and if you judge beer off of the large breweries you are not a smart beer drinking.  All of Europe mocks you.  And a good chunk of the states.  Beer matters.

Independent brewing, which is starting to come into its own in the States, is trying to change the perception of what beer and should be.  Sam Adams one of the biggest of the Indy’s (and yes they are still considered and independent brewer they haven’t hit enough barrels per year yet) helps out independent breweries through programs so there is wider distributions of malts, hops, barley and other items crucial to the brewing process.  These companies help each other out.  Like the time in 2008 when, shudder, there was hops shortage and Sam sold theirs (20,000 lbs) at cost to other craft breweries.

They don’t just help each other out.  They fight for clean water.  That stuff they boil anyway to get all the nasty stuff out they still want it clean.  That’s why brewers are fighting against fraking.  And not fraking in the sci-fi expletive sense fraking as in that environmentally dangerous resource draining practice that lets some rather nasty stuff get into ground water.  But it’s okay water should be practically flmable and totally undrinkable right.  No?  Okay fuck fraking.  Oh, and certain companies are trying to fight this by saying there is trade secrets in the whole fraking process.  So you can’t really review it.  Fuck the whole poisoning the environment thing it’s damaging for you know the process.  I only wish I was joking this was a real ruling by a real judge in real American (versus fake America).  Yeah, fuck fraking.

“A judge in Wyoming has denied a lawsuit by environmental groups against the Wyoming Oil and Gas Conservation Commission demanding that the list of chemicals in fracking fluids be made public, ruling such lists are trade secrets that may be withheld under Wyoming’s open records law.”


So beer actually has essential nutrients for you, was a centerpiece of history, it discovered itself, it creates brotherhood, it helps local economy, and it fights against environmental doom.  Oh yeah, and the star spangled banner came from a drinking song.  But drink responsibly, I don’t want any of you assholes giving beer a bad name by driving drunk or acting the fool.  Don’t be that guy.

Ben

Thursday, March 28, 2013

How to Ruin a Party


There are moments in life when I experienced an indignant rage so acute I wanted to shake the stupidity out of a person.  Frothing over with unexpressed rage wondering how it was possible for a person, or persons, ability to make it thus far in life.  I have practiced restrain many times over dealing with such shocking displays of childishness, of pettiness or downright inexplicable incompetence.  This is a problem I continue to encounter as I greatly enjoy throwing parties.  Oftentimes such parties will be uncomplicated and stress free but they are like a diamond in the rough, rare beautiful and elusive.  More often they are immense undertakings with copious amounts of work, clean up and frustration.  For some reason I continue on hoping for better results.  This tendency is not because I am insane, as doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results might suggest, but because I am hopeful.  I hope that people show me their best.  I hope that people appreciate effort and the niceties offered.

Here’s a few examples of the ingratitude and beastly behaviors I have experienced in the past.  I write this in part to sooth my frustrations.  I don’t wish to look negatively on throwing parties as I find them a wonderful opportunity for creating a feeling of community and family.

Dinner out

This should be uncomplicated.  Most people who act like adults I’ve found split the check without much thought.  If the bill is disproportionate between couples then actual math can be used but discounting such differential math is not needed.  Even better we tell the server of the check being split before ordering.  I find that last step fixes a large group of problems encountered with eating with certain problem friends.

I dread passing the bill to certain people.  I see them furrow their brow and I think to myself they are simply figuring out a way to fuck everyone else at the table.  They bead up with sweat wondering if anyone knows they are cheap or stupid or incapable of simple math.  I simply shake my head in frustration and chastise myself.  Why chastise myself, you wonder?  Because I should fucking know better.  Everyone has an idiot friend who simply cannot pay properly.  I have several and they all employ different ways of screwing it up.
Perhaps it’s the one idiot who pays with a card when everyone else pays with cash.  Guess what if you give the wait staff the money and you pay the difference you don’t tip on the difference.  If you do that makes you an asshole.

Then there is the person with forgetful math.  Hey, guess what you can get away without paying for you iced tea once.  If it happened every time we are out and we are always short, it’s not me it’s you.  Yeah, you’re an asshole.  And yeah, I remember you ordering refills when they aren’t free.  No I don’t think it’s unfair that aren’t refills.  Yes, you should pay extra when you ordered extra sauce and had the meal prepared differently from the way it is on the menu.  Yeah, I do remember these things.  Yes, you are still an asshole.

There is also the under tipper.  You simply have no idea what it’s like to work in the restaurant industry.  I have managed wait staff.  Many of them have been incompetent, disrespectful, many have stolen from myself or others,  many are rude or stupid.  But I still tip properly.  Why because they are still human beings and they get paid under 3 bucks an hour otherwise.  Oh, and you’re an asshole.

Of course, there is the genuine mistake.  Maybe you misread the bill.  Maybe you forgot the extra drink, or the desert of you added wrong.  That’s fine.  But don’t look aghast if the bill is short.  Don’t make excuses.  Otherwise you are bad as I forgot my wallet guy or can you loan me money guy.  Actually worse.  Unless it’s can you loan me money then conveniently forget guy.  Fuck that guy.

Organizational hell

People are busy I get that.  But get over yourself.  Either come or don’t.  Do not make it so I have to check up one you five times.  I shouldn’t have to call you, text you, email you, and Facebook you all to get a yeah, can you remind me next week.  “I should be able to come but my foot’s been hurting and my girlfriend doesn’t share her calendar and I’ve got to be on her beck and call to impress her.  Also my car exploded, so can you pick me up and then drop me off at the train station after.  I have to get to New York for a concert.  I don’t have the tickets yet.  For the concert not the train.  The train I got.  The concert tickets are held by this guy who always flakes on me but for some reason I always trust him then get irrationally upset that he fucks up.  Weird hunh?”  This is a composite of the bullshit excuses I get.  I had a friend in college who made me work so hard to get him to do anything.  I had to tell him a month or two in advance then remind him every other week then a few days in advance then the day before and then a few hours before.  And idiot like I am I did.  Response twenty minutes into said event after having counted him among those joining…  I can’t make it.  I wish I was exaggerating.  I wish it only happened once.  I simply don’t have the energy to deal with that amount of bullshit for a fifty-fifty chance of you showing.  Just tell me you don’t have the money or that you’re tired.  Or you know just flake.  And yet these are the same people who complain we never hang out.  Without irony.  You are not so special that I am willing to work hard to constantly be shunned.  You’re attention when you fell like giving it is not living giving rays of light.  Attention is nice.  Hanging out with friends is nice.  But I’ll commit energy to those who don’t flake.  I don’t care how amazing you are, if you consistently bail or flake I am not wasting my energy.

This is outside the plain old lying.  If you are going to lie to me please at least go out of the way to tell me something interesting and put some thought into it.  If you uh and ah for five minutes it’s hint.  The hint is you’re asshole with bad improvisational skills and no wit.  Just admit you’re tired or have social anxiety.  Or stop being a dipshit.  Oh and don’t say you didn’t know about an event in time.  Because I can be super petty when I feel someone is lying and check through my email logs.  Just admit you forgot.

There is of course a certain amount of busy that is excused by this.  My sister in law is a first responder (and a mom) so she actually needs months ahead of time to schedule things.  But barring that kind of nonsense there isn’t that kind of leeway.

Of course then there are the people who triple book.  They say they can come and the day before they forget that had a party they to go to.  Thanks.  This confuses me.  It either means your memory sucks or you took forever to tell me about the conflict, or you couldn’t decide which to bail on.

Party Fouls

Don’t rub Doritos on my dog.  It isn’t funny.  He has hair not fur so that shit reeks.  And he can’t lick it off so he smells the food but can’t get to it.  It’s cruel.  Plus he rubs against everything, because he’s a you know dog, and that’s what they do.  So that gets over everything in the house.  All because you couldn’t use a napkin.  You’re a huge asshole.  I would Liam Neeson your ass if I could.

Please don’t get so drunk I have to stay up and hear your life story.  I want to go to bed.  I’m only up out of mixture of trying to be a nice person and making sure you don’t throw up on my couch.  Also I want to make sure you don’t concuss yourself or choke on your own vomit.  That would be bad.  Shut up and drink your water.  If you can’t handle drinking heavily don’t drink heavily.

Please don’t puke on me when I’m driving.  It just… it just isn’t pleasant.  I really shouldn’t have to elaborate on this.

Please don’t bring friends who were not invited without asking me.  I invited you, not your entourage.  If they invite themselves to things don’t talk about it around them.  Better yet lay some boundaries like an adult.  And remember you are not a fucking celebrity it’s not expected you can bring people along.  I just invited you.

Please don’t complain at a party, any party not just one of mine, while sitting disinterested and not helping.  Guess what, you’re the fucking problem most likely.  I do the same thing with different people and fun goddamn times.

This is why I more and more enjoy hanging out with people older than me.  Maybe I’m just really cranky.  Or maybe I’m simply a pain in the ass.  But hey, I threw a fucking bacon party so cranky or not I’m pretty awesome sometimes.  And yes, it was amazing and yes I am doing it again this year.  And no, you cannot invite yourself to this party, you obviously have not paid attention to what I just wrote.

Ben

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Martial Awesome


If two English professors argued over the meaning of Xanadu in Kubla Khan by Coleridge they might throw a disparaging remark or they might debate with frenetic energy while they flail their leather patched arms in large, garish  gesticulations.  They would not however throw a spin hook kick at each other’s face.  That would be both preposterous and awesome.  However with martial artists it is quite possible that an argument, even a simple one, could lead to testosterone fueled rage punching or spinning hook kicks.  The martial arts is inherently violent and practicing any of them brings a certain familiarity to violence.  I’m not saying practicing makes you want to punch people all the time (but it might solve an issue or two) but that getting hit or hitting others doesn’t seem as alien once you’ve been in the environment.

A problem with martial arts that leads to the possibility on dangerous entanglements and ego flaring is the often convoluted and obfuscated backgrounds of differing styles.  Just with Kempo alone there are multiple splits and schisms.  This history is muddy and confusing.  Unsurprising for an art that migrated from China to Okinawa to Japan to Hawaii to the West Coast then finally to the East Coast.  Differing version of the art stayed in each of those spots.  You’ll see the Shaolin monks practicing something completely alien techniques with a few very familiar move sets.  Even in the same regions you’ll see differences; even dojo to dojo or instructor to instructor.  Kempo is just one of many arts where there are splits and arguments.  Then there is the whole my style is better arguments.  Or my style is more accurate or this the best way to throw or this the best way to hit.  Everything is up for debate.  And it isn’t something so easily discovered.  You can’t simply say that way’s bullshit mine is better.  You have to know both techniques or movements of principles or what have you.  And not simple know it on the surface but truly grasp it.  There are things I’ve been studying for five years with the art that I’m only now getting a real appreciation for.  Imagine twenty more years.  Then imagine some brat telling me he knows a better way.  It’s a fine line to walk.  Humility should reside within the soul of every martial artist but it isn’t always there as strong as it should be.  Humility is integral.  Growth is stunted  without it, you can’t listen and learn if you think you know everything, and having an understanding of how to inflict copious amounts damage is not something to be taken lightly.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this subject as I’ve been exposed to quite a few different dojos and several different martial styles thanks to some wonderful friends and martial teachers I’ve had the pleasure of knowing.  My understanding and appreciation for the arts has grown considerably.  I’ve been thrown around by people who do things that seem like witchcraft and appear to the untrained eye preposterous.  Not that there aren’t frauds out but I can guarantee the pain I felt was not fake.  Quick aside, the worst pain in my martial career involve a lock applied that actually made me think my whole arm might simple unravel, give up and never quite work right again – it was fine afterwards, mostly.  One of the things that strike me as interesting is the view set for martial artists varies much more than I’d think.  There really are places like the Cobra Kai from The Karate Kid.  Some dojos take fighting way too seriously and injury at these places isn’t an if it’s a when.  This seems unnecessary to me.  But the reason these people are studying is different from mine.  I’m quite content to hit softer or to intentionally miss my partner during application of technique.  Both are in wrong in a sense for training how to deal with a situation in the street but both let me remain working with my partner.  This is part of the root of the problem or at least one of them.

The dojo is a constructed environment.  You have a person attack in a prescribed way you both agree on some technique can be done.  This is of course totally unrealistic.  The guy in street can’t be predicted.  They might punch in a big ugly haymaker, which is likely and preferable (preferable in that I takes a long time to swing those and it gives me a whole bunch of time to react, of course that’s if I see it) or they might be high school athletes and try to wrestle or tackle me to the ground (much less preferable, their buddy might be around who could kick me for one, two ground is dangerous period).  But this prescribed way lets you understand the technique and it’s principles.  Once you get it you can deconstruct it.  Figure out why it works.  Then apply it to other situations.  That is often missing from some of the classical martial training.  Its often twenty different move set to be remembered per type of attack.  The bloating of material can be a bad thing as your plan only works before you get hit or if the arm bar is slightly more to the left.

But each dojo is its own little culture.  I’m reminded of this every time I enter someone else’s place of study.  I often remind myself as I tend to have mouth that spurts out thought before it passes through a filter.  This is bad when you are a guest and worse when you are surrounded by people who train to fight.  Fortunately I’ve been polite and humble even when I’ve been weirded out or uncomfortable at places.  It might be normal at one places to train hard and focus on fitness.  Another place is obsessed with realistic street training but not the spiritual or historical significance.  Another still might be a McDojo.  Those are universally reviled within the community.  Quite a few sprang up after The Karate Kid as every parent decided maybe their little guy might need some wizened sensei to straighten out their kid.  Meanwhile the kids haze dreams of tournaments and jumping side kicks.  The teachers simple have a desire to cash checks.  They pass on just enough knowledge to be slightly credible and produce belt factories.  The kids keep getting to next level and they show some progress but mostly its ego stroking.  They don’t produce legitimate black belts.  The legitimacy of black belts is a big point of controversy.  Some styles mandate set amounts of years beside having material before achieving rank, regardless of talent.  I don’t disagree with the practice I simply don’t prescribe.

There are whole articles on what constitutes a McDojo and what constitutes real martial arts.  I find some of it laughable.  Simply because these people often come from a very specific mindset.  They need a set of knowledge for grappling, striking and ground work.  But they slop varying style together haphazardly.  There is a reason boxers fight the way they do.  Boxers are great gifted fighters.  I wouldn’t want to fight one.  But if I did I would kick the shit out of their shins and knees.  Why?  Because they don’t train to the handle that.  Plus getting punch from a boxer sound very unappetizing.  You keep throwing up these what if and the style has to morph and change and be muddied.  You don’t just take a kick from one style and punch from another.  Picking and choosing doesn’t work.  There is a foundation of knowledge and understanding the leads somewhere.  That style moves a certain way and that’s why they kick like that.  You take the kick but not the movement you lose the reasoning behind it.

There tends to be this idea that the best fighting style is the best style.  I don’t believe that.  I’m not learning simply to be able to defend myself.  I’m learning to kick ass in tournaments.  I’m not learning to show off or make money.  I’m learning because I enjoy it and it has made me be a better person.  My martial journey has been about improvement.  In part it’s about crafting technique but it’s a also about bettering me.  That is the reason why martial arguments seem petty to me.  That’s why I simply listen when people argue about legitimacy.  Yes, I’ll sometimes get swept away and say people are not where they need to be for rank or that I think certain techniques are useless.  But I try not to do that.  I’ve only been studying for five years and every day I learn that I really have only scratched the surface of understanding.  The better I get the more I see that I can’t do.  Every time I think I perfect a stance or a punch or a movement something new pops up.

So I’ll try to stay out of argument about which style is better and what attitude is correct because the reason I chose to study might not the right one for others.  All I know is that I know only a fraction and that I’ll never be done learning.  So who am I to say one style is better or that one kind of punch is best?

Ben

Thursday, December 6, 2012

The Future of Gaming


It is entirely possible that I have spent more time playing video games than any other activity.  This may, or may not, be a bad thing.  However this does give me a wee bit of experience and knowledge into world of gaming.  What gives me more knowledge is having studied and read about the subject.  Many years ago when I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life I took online classes for breaking into the video game industry.  I didn’t stay with it but I picked up some interesting knowledge.  So I feel that I have a decent wealth of experience to post about where the industry is going as well as where it could be going.

Before I delve into the future I want to talk about the past, as I find it important to know where things were so we can see where they are going.  I want to talk about the industry but also about my history with gaming.  So I’ll give a short biased view of gaming history tinted with personal experience.

Video gaming for me started in the mid eighties when I was introduced to the NES (the Nintendo entertainment system or Famicon in Japan).  This did not immediately overtake my life as it has done for so many children.  I was still very active and relied on imagination for entertainment.  The older I became the more and more time I spent with a controller in hand.  Video games were developed with slightly different intentions then.  Some of you may be familiar with the term Nintendo hard.  The reason for this term was there were simply awful soul crushingly hard games out there that just took great pleasure in destroying any and all ego you might have.  Battletoads is a great example of this.  I intend on getting past that speeder bike level one day.  But for young Ben that was the bane of my existence.  It was fun double dragon like game with cartoony violence almost in the vein of Tex Avery slapstick.  Then the third level came around and the speeder bike ruined everything.  I still think about that level every once and a while.  The worst however was Rygar.   Hours and hours learning the pattern and levels.  Slowly crawling through the level maps and defeating the bosses.  Then the last level you had to defeat all the bosses again one after another.  Then the final boss.  Who would hit me five time for every one hit I dished out.  It was infuriating.  Yet I came back for more.  Not all Nintendo games were this hard but enough were.  Part of the reason for this was padding.  They wanted the game to last more than five minutes.  They amped up the difficulty not just to make it challenging but to lengthen game time.  This was done through grinding in RPG’s.  You had to fight monsters over and over to level up enough to get to the next area and not be squashed.  I remember playing Dragon Warrrior (really Dragon Quest) and grinding with Chimeras and slimes for hours.  Also that’s the first time I ever read the word herb and because I didn’t know any better thought it actually pronounced the British way with the ‘h’ not silent.

A quick list of some of the exceeding evil games that gave more suffering than enjoyment:
  • Battletoads (this game has ruined childhoods)
  • Rygar
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (fuck you underwater electric level)
  • Mike Tyson’s Punch Out
  • Castlevania (I picked it up not long ago and got passed the medusa head area that always killed me but I still keep getting mercilessly slaughtered time and again)
  • Ghost’s n’ goblins
  • I would include Contra, it appeared on numerous hardest lists but I knew the code so it wasn’t so bad
  • Any Mega Man game
  • Out of This World (you are immediately chased by a monster you can’t kill)

I’d include more but I can’t remember all of them and thinking back on these games I remember truly how much time was spent on them.  And I replayed games quite often finding out all the little eccentricities and easter eggs.  This was substantially harder before the proliferation of the internet.

I’m glad that the ‘Nintendo hard’ practice is mostly over (save for a few games like Demon’s Souls).  I like some challenge in my games.  I loved the last console Castlevania.  It was hard, often frustrating but not unfair.  I go back to some of older these games however and I want to rip my hair out.  They taught me patience and persistence but did nothing for my blood pressure or temper.  Now we’ve gone in the whole other direction.  There’s barely any penalty for death in many video games.  RPG’s still hold onto the grinding a bit too much (see Dragon Quest or Final Fantasy) but they have evolved a bit.  I always loved RPG’s.  Looking back at some of the games I played I wondered how I thought the story lines so engaging.  They were pretty awful but I was glued to the set.  There is a primal connection to you avatar.  It’s strong connection.  You act out through them.  Your button push is translated through them.  So their actions are yours.  The story affecting them in turn affects you.  It’s a deeper relationship than you might have empathy wise with a character in a book or film.

This deep connection is part of the reason why video games are so addicting.  Another reason is they are intentionally built that way.  Stat progression is built in, item management, constant gathering and fetch quests.  Loot, loot and more loot.  Look at Borderlands 2, the whole game is predicated on constantly upgrading equipment.

Once the console wars started 'Nintendo hard' began to peel away.  It started a wee bit before this as Nintendo had such dominance in the market they were as afraid of keeping kids hooked anymore.  They had years of constant consumer behavior and addictive behaviors stored up.  The first console wars were pretty awesome.  My cousins had Sega Genesis which then seemed amazing compared to my 8 bit console.  Thinking in bits seems absolutely ridiculous now.  The thing about having two consoles is this gave developers a bit of room.  You had these strict guidelines and approval necessary to be a Nintendo game.  The Nintendo Seal of Approval was a big deal.  There were a few cartridges made without them but that didn’t happen much and not with permission.  SO the Super Nintendo came out and it was awesome.  Things like Mortal Kombat were now possible.  Or Donkey Kong Country.  These were serious graphical upgrades.  The face of gaming was changing.  Mario was being challenged, legitimately by a cooler mascot in Sonic with a bunch more attitude.  Sonic embodied the nineties considerably more.  He was, in a sense, a foreboding of the extreme era in some ways.  By extreme era I mean the bullshit marketers latched onto.  The X games being a good example and every television commercial in the nineties that was way too loud being a bad example.  Video games were growing up with the audience.  We weren’t kids anymore.  We were teenagers or getting closer to being teenagers.  I am part of the generation that first fully embraced video games.  Most of the things right and most of the things wrong with video games can be laid at the feet of my generation.  Now I think games while still appealing to us are primarily aimed at the younger generation but I’ll get to that later.

So games and systems started getting more adult.  Gamers started growing savvier.  Computer games at the time were only getting bigger with the expanding influence of the internet.  Without the net MMO’s or RTS games wouldn’t be around.  I never got into computer gaming that much having been so attached to console gaming.  I did play a few classic adventure games (like Grim Fandango and the Monkey Island series) but I never jumped on the warcraft, starcraft, unreal bandwagon.  I would however when I was older get a bit sucked into a few MMO’s.

Before I move on I figure I met explain why gaming is important to me.  Besides the fact that I’ve been doing it so long and I rather do love it gaming has been rather important for a number of reasons.  Everyone, at one point, has been picked on as a child.  It’s what happens.  I was picked on quite a bit being a shy person with learning disabilities.  I was unable to understand why I was made fun as I always thought of myself as normal.  I just went around after awhile as thinking myself unlucky or, even worse, not worth being liked.  This changed obviously.  Mostly through hard work and growing up.  I don’t think I truly felt comfortable with myself until part way through high school.  I didn’t like being me.  This was awful.  Now I love being me and I’m happy for all the things I’ve experienced.  It keeps me humble and reminds of all the things I should and shouldn’t do.  Video games brought me great entertainment and companionship during this hard time.  I found games that brought me to fantastic places, letting me forget the chaos and unhappiness of school.  But gaming was insular and alone.  It was a solitary habit.  I think that’s part for the reason I never got that into computer gaming until much later.  I had no want to relate to other people.  I did want to have friends but my social anxiety held me away from working at it.  It was safe behind the controller.  There was always another life, another continue.  You could always restart fresh if you wanted.  There was comfort in that.

After Super Nintendo was Nintendo 64.  I remember knowing a guy who had s mall game store that dealt with imports. I was able to borrow the system and play Mario64 in Japanese a while before it the states.  It was jarring and unreal.  I stared in wonder.  I really could not believe that they did it.  Now they make games for portable devices that look far better than anything from that generation.  Nintendo 64 was also a wee bit of a disappointment in some senses.  There was nothing to play at launch beside Mario and Pilotwings.  I refused to buy Pilotwings.  Eventually Shadow of the Empire came out (in the days before Star Wars was still cool for me) and I had at least two games to play.  Having been used to Nintendo Hard I beat Mario so thoroughly there were no easter eggs or spoilers left.  Then there was the Gamecube.

Nintendo finally moved away from the cartridge.  They were going to make cd drive gaming system but flaked out on the deal.  This was great for industry as Nintendo backed out on Sony.  Sony reacted by making the Playstation.  The Playstation made history with games like Final Fantasy Seven and Silent Hill.  This competition was great.  Sadly the Dreamcast from Sega didn’t fair that well even though it was years ahead of its time.  Don’t believe me?  It had internet connectivity and screens inside the controllers over  decade ago.  Plus it had one of the best JRPG’s Skies of Arcadia before the genre started getting out of hand.  The game still holds up and it had an air of fun unseen in manner other games especially in RPG department where games take themselves a bit too seriously and spending more time dealing with convoluted storylines, emo characters not fitting or twenty minute long cut scenes that look nice but happen more often than combat than actually being fun.

Not only did Nintendo move away from the cartridge they went to mini cd’s.  I actually thought it was cool.  The system wasn’t bad but the tide’s had shifted.  With the xbox and playstation 2 a lot of games didn’t hit the system or hit much later.  Exclusive games were the bane of any diehard console fanboy or girl.  For me it was bit more uncommon to see people with multiple systems.  Now I see it quite regularly.  But then again I have a job now, I’m sure that has a quite a bit to do with it.  Gone were the days of Nintendominance.  Yes, I am proud of making up that word and no you can’t use it.  Okay, you can use but only with a credit to me.

But let me back track and talk about the evolution of multiplayer.  Multiplayer used to suck.  It was wait your turn for the other guy to die and then play.  That’s why people hated Luigi.  Not because he was green but because he was consolation, he was less than, he was always second.  It’s hard to get rid of that stigma.  But eventually there was more multiplayer that didn’t suck.  Contra for one.  Double Dragon for another.  But it was always just two people.  Unless you were at the arcade then it could be four and that was fucking awesome at the time.  I do think arcades have a chance to make a comeback if they do it right.  Dave and Buster’s was awful the last time I went.  No game interested me even remotely.  But perhaps having been to awesome arcades in part of the heyday it’s hard to compare.  Multiplayer’s first big change after co-op was the fighting game.  With a demographic of mostly young boys competition is natural.  Fighting game gave the opportunity for any kid to annihilate others.  This smirking vengeance is very attractive to a young man.  The biggest change to multiplayer was Goldeneye.  This game changed everything.  This revolutionized first person shooters on the console.  It’s affects can still be measured today.  Now multiplayer has gone in very different directions.  There are games now sold exclusively as multiplayer only or engineered mostly for multiplayer use.  All the modern shooty kill various enemy soldier games are based on the simple premise that twelve year old boys enjoy shooting other people and shouting racial epithets.  This is why I don’t play online much.  I played Halo 3 online for about two days.  That was enough.  I don’t play too much online.  I do however love co-op online.  It frees up my screen and I get to play with people I don’t get to see as often.  I bought a game specifically so I could play with someone out of state.  But as online gaming becomes more prevalent local multiplayer is often fading which saddens me.  I spent countless hours playing Conker’s Bad Fur Day multiplayer on the 64 with my college roommates.  Or the various Smash Brothers tournaments.  I played so much of that game I got overexposed and had to stop playing for months.

As I grew older my wants from video game shifted.   I moved away from Nintendo fanboyism.  I remember saving up for month to buy and xbox360 over six years ago.  The graphics the first time I saw them were amazing.  It boggled my mind how much the industry improved.  I looked up on wiki the changes made to computing power.  It rather impressive.  The NES (which wiki list as third generation) was 8 bits and had 2kb of ram and a processor of 1.79 Mhz.  The Super Nintendo doubled those stats – 16 bits, 125 Kib ram and 3.58 Mhz processor.  There were some expansions next and various in between consoles but the next big system was the 64.  It had 64 bits, 4 megs of memory and a processor of 93.75 Mhz (that’s 52 times as much as the original NES).  The Gamecube again stepped up the exponentional growth. It had 24 megs memory and a processor at 485 Mhz.  The Wii, Nintendo’s next console was far belwo average for specs for it’s generation with 729 Mhz processor.  Its successor the Wii U is roughly on par with the previous generation.  Xbox 360 and PS3 were both around 3.2 Ghz for processing and 512 mb or memory.  The power and performance of the hardware has increased dramatically.  Handhelds are almost as good as previous generations.

After I was done with college and moved back home for a time while I figured out what the hell to do with my life I started dabbling in online gaming.  I played MMO’s.  This was not my best decision.  MMO’s are known to be soul sucking time wasters.  I am known at times to get over invested in new shiny things.  This coupled for a shooting star effect.  I burned myself out on these things.  I haven’t looked back.  Except for the little bit I played with the last Star Wars MMO by BioWare.  It wasn’t terrible but it was fast and sparsely populated.  It was shiny, pretty, reasonably polished but easy and repetitive.

Now that I have my big boy job and I spend anywhere between four to ten hours at the dojo plus time working out my gaming time is cut down significantly.  I’m ok with that. For really good games I’ll make time.  Otherwise I’m ok with not gaming for months at a time.  I do miss it during those times but I’ve got things to do.  It’s way adult gamers are, or at least the moderately mature ones.

So what next?  My money is on a few things.  Indy developers will undoubtedly take on a bigger role, casual gaming will continue to grow, how we interact with systems will change entirely and the computer may rise like a phoenix.  Indy games had the fortune of things like steam and then later Xbox Live to let them get the word out.  The internet made this happen.  Small teams, by small I mean two people perhaps, can make great games that hundreds of thousands of people play (examples being Castle Crashers, Braid, and Super Meat Boy).  These games can be unique and really push the envelope.  They can fixate on the vision of the lead designer.  Games in this venue have so much room to explore and go new places.

And there are a lot new places being explored.  For every military shooter game that explores the same premise, the same plot, and the same game play another five games come out that at least try to be different.  Some are god awful miserable piles of code that seem to be created for only the malevolent purpose of fooling people intp thinking that games really are be awful and you shouldn’t enjoy them.  What’s exciting is there innovation in AAA titles.  Yes, uncharted is essentially the male version of tomb raider (or the reinvention of Indiana Jones in modern day) but the game series was phenomenal and pushed boundaries.  It had a good story, solid game play but most importantly it was fun.  It may of at time be frustrating but it was always fun.  It had the right formula.  Often time developers will crank up difficulty as the game progresses and bad games will have this incline be very noticeable instead of climbing bit by bit; going from light softball pitch easy to ‘holy fuck, why did I die seventeen times?’.  But it’s been proven you don’t need to make big expensive shiny games to be a success.  They just have to be fun.  So all manner of genres are going to be flushed out.  The line between big games and small game sis going to blur, soon it will just be price point, you’ll have the $60, $50, $40, $30 $20, and under games all selling and doing well.

The way we play is already changing.  Nintendo took a big gamble with the Wii that paid off.  Now they are gambling again with the Wii U.  With the tablet like controller there is the ability to do quite a bit.  Although it does remind me of linking my game boy to the Gamecube to play Crystal Chronicles mutliplayer.  Controllers I think will be around for a long time but full motion capture is only going to get better.  Expect to see the company push even more.  Hopefully the games will get better.  I will admit I do enjoy some of the dance games.  Which may be headed for the same fad status as rhythm games.  Rhythm games screwed themselves by flooding the market.  People got aggravated and voted with their wallets.  Plus there are only so many peripherals we can take.

I do think computer gaming will come back.  I do think developers are going to come back to the platform.  It’s foolish not the program for the computer first.  You can always port from there.  It’s much harder to work the other way around and give the computer gamers what they want.  Look at Skyrim on one of the console and then on the computer and tell me which is a better choices.  Crabs with monocles and top hats should eb enough of a reason.  The modding communities are fantastic and graphical improvement, and run speed always tend s be better on a decent PC.

Casual gaming, which I avoid, is catching on big time.  Tablets and Smart Phone will outsell traditional PC’s.  It happening.  It’s the new dynamic.  Computer glasses are next with onscreen overlays. They may interact with the environment or they may not.  But gaming will be important on all the platforms.  While the games won’t be the next important step they will be where a shit ton of money will be made and more developers will have jobs.  Look at Angry Birds; simple concept, truckloads of players.  I generally dislike freemium, Facebook games and most mobile games but millions of other don’t hold that opinion.

All I know is that gaming is only going to get better and I’ll be there, controller in hand, waiting for the next great game.

Ben

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Thanksgiving, So American it Hurts


Thanksgiving is a holiday that could only exist in America.  This is patently obvious because, well, it does only exist in the united states.  The concept and celebration of the holiday could only exist here.  The holiday is a remembrance of when the fresh of the boat Europeans were graciously helped by the native peoples who lived here already.  They feasted together in show of communal spirit and brotherhood.  Then the Europeans repaid this debt by stealing and decimated those that helped them.  They showed no mercy for the people who altruistically made sure they survived.  No good deed goes unpunished evidently.  Woo!  America!
Currently we celebrate the feasting meal held by the natives and the Europeans as a day to recognize that which we are thankful for as well as the unity of men and women.  Nothing wrong with that.  We do this in the most American way possible.  We indulge and overindulge like only we can.  We put as many unhealthy things in front of us and shove it down our faces numb to the aching hole we are filling with food.  We cram this down ignoring our aching, blocked  arteries and scream for more pecan rolls.  Then we have the brilliant idea with spread butter on the pecan rolls because fuck it, it’s the Holidays and we convince ourselves we’ll start that diet next week.  The diet doesn’t come and we cry into the pumpkin pie tomorrow.

Ok, forgive the bleakness.  Maybe that was an exaggeration.  Except for the butter on pecan rolls.  My brother totally did that.  I encouraged him.  Also pecan rolls are my one weakness.  They best my self-control.  Well, okay it’s one of my multitude of weaknesses.  I love pecan rolls but we can’t be seen together my waist gave me the ultimatum. My pants size won.  I wish you a joyous journey with another person.  Hopefully they appreciate your gooey bounty as much as I.  I’ll never forget you…

This thanksgiving there wasn’t enough table to fit the massive amounts of food heaped in front of us.  We had an appetizer round that took up some of the table but the main course took up so much room we had to constantly shuffle things around.  Also when there are small children around and you’re the adult the things being said are totally different.  For instance, “can you fit this all your mouth,” kinda different.  Being a reasonably intelligent man I said nothing and held back my smirk and chuckles.  This was no small task.  I giggle like an idiot every time I hear a fart, simulated or otherwise.  Yes, I am a grown man with a big boy job but fart noise are funny and don’t you dare take it away from me.

Another reason why Thanksgiving is super American is the whole family dynamic.  Adi and myself split thanksgivings.  One year with my family the other with hers.  Totally different atmospheres.    Both Jewish, well educated suburbanites with a gay male in the family but still very different.  It reminds me of the constant culture clash and turnover in this country.  The traditional versus the non-traditional.  The generation issues become readily apparent.  It terrifies me that my generation will be running things soon.  I don’t think any of us quite expect to be adult anytime soon.  But time is looming.  I’m very  much at the adult table talking about politics and jobs and hiding my own in the conversation.  I don’t feel like an interloper and want to wander back to video games and frivolity.  But I digress on that point.  This is a time for family but it points out fractured and unified families at the same time.  Many people I know are making multiple trips.  Dinner with mom then sandwiches with dad.  And that’s just one side of the family.  The effects of divorce really become apparent now.

I don’t know if Thanksgiving is as much of a drinking holiday as other but we’re in America and we are good at turning most holidays into excuses for drinking, eating and shopping.  Thanksgiving is very much about food and shopping.  I’ve been getting emails non-stop from various stores enticing me with early pre black friday deals, online specials, extended deals and all manner of consumer enticement.  I like buying stuff.  It’s part of being American.  We have a need to buy things we don’t need.  It’s part of the reason why I think we say we are thankful for certain things like family and friends but we’re really thankful for the 50 inch LCD hanging on the wall.  We worship at the altar of the shiny new iWhatever (patent pending).  I can only complain so much on this as my wife is out shopping while I mind dump these thoughts onto the page.  I know she enjoys this family bonding time so I encouraged her to buy herself something frivolous with my credit card.  I don’t entirely regret this decision.

So we have multiple version of consumption (food, alcohol, buying stuff) but we also have perhaps now the most American of sports playing prominently: football.  You could argue that baseball is more American but fuck you.  Baseball is all about patience and statistics.  Football is all trench warfare.  It’s more violent than baseball (‘Murika), it has dancing half naked women (‘MURIKA) and the biggest event for football, it’s raging culmination, is half about the stupid commercials selling you crap (MERIKAH!!!).

The only way thanksgiving could be any more American is if it stole the explosions from the fourth of July and got into a bar fight afterwards.  I would call it Thanksplosions.  That’s my word so don’t go using it without permission.

Ben

Monday, November 12, 2012

The Writer's Journey


Every once and a while I see people take up the mantle of writer.  They proudly proclaim their intent to write a novel or blog or something along these lines and my first reaction is always the same.  Smugly I think, “what can they possibly write about that anyone would care for and how will they do this feat?” They can hardly speak without tripping on their own tongue, won’t presenting their words indelibly presented for all time simply shatter them when people inevitably speak ill of their choice.”  Then I tell myself not to be such an asshole.

I have this initial moment of schadenfreaude because I know what happens I know the path they’re taking before they do.  I’ve been writing off and on for fifteen years.  I have enough experience to know the stupid mistakes they’ll make.  Then I force myself to remember I know these mistakes because, well, I made them.  I remember writing without a plan, without an outline, naively thinking it’ll come together in the end.  It’ll be more fresh and exciting this way I would rationalize.  I’ll get bored if I know what happens.  Then I look back over the older work and wonder what was I thinking.  Where was the rhythm of the text?  Where was the pacing?  The tension, the depth, the mood?  But fucking up is part of the process.  You make mistakes and then eventually you stop making them.  It’s the same for anything else.  You can’t teach experience.

Writing is a bit more special than other hobbies, at least I think so.  It’s so private and insular you can hide behind certain veneers.  You can say, “It’s only for me. My writing doesn’t need to be judged.  I only write for myself.”  Yet you truly crave the acceptance and adulation of your peers.  Or you can hold onto something and never let eyes touch it.  It’s so fragile that it will crumble under the scrutiny.  You see this spark of an idea and you carefully bring it to full roar, taking time to feed it properly and nurture it along.  It is difficult to allow another person to see your work.  You know how it should be seen and interpreted and you know it’s good.  You feel it resonate deep within you.  But it isn’t ready yet, just a few more revisions.  It jars the ego to allow something that reflects some much of yourself to be inspected, to be  held up to others without your involvement.  Then there is the fervent need to express.  Bundled up ideas all swimming in your mind just waiting to be put to paper.  You know they are magical and wondrous.  They defy convention and surpass the stale media we navigate through.  Your writing is art, all the other nonsense we surround ourselves with is drek, unfit for consumption.  Only your words will save the literate from such mediocrity.  Then you land back to equilibrium.  Maybe if I simply stop taking myself so seriously and find that part of me that simply loves doing this and invest in that things will be good.

So for now I struggle like I always have but I’m older and smarter and I think things through a bit more.  Probably far too much.  I analyze too far.  I let ideas play out in my mind countless times, I cajole a slightly different energy or felling  from this piece.  I write, then  rewrite.  I stare at the cursor, ever blinking, taunting me to fill the blank space.

So I think back to those who wish to write I smile and say I hope they do well but I hope they don’t expect success overnight.  I hope they stick with it and they shrug off my initial lack of faith.  Sometimes I prefer being proven wrong.  But enough about them let’s talk about my journey and where I’m going.  This is my blog anyway, it’s only right.  Fuck them for stealing my spotlight.  I need some god damn ego stroking…  Anyway, I find it inappropriate to judge others without placing some of yourself out there as well.  It seems too easy and disingenuous.  If I need that nonsense I’ll turn on some politically charged television and see the talking heads try to outshout each other as if volume alone can convince another person their chosen stance is incorrect.

I write this blog because I like to do it.  There isn’t much more ulterior motive.  I had, at one point, envisioned creating much more content and trying to maintain a website with this and other items but I decided that my free time, the little of it I had, was more important.  I needed to be happy more than pursue this to the full extent.  Oftentimes I feel conflicted in this regard.  I have the itch come and go.  I feel the need to throw myself into a fit of writing, hunching over the keyboard, my fingers aching as they felt the resistance of the keys.  Fortunately my posture at least has improved.  My love of writing has not diminished but my need to create has waned slightly.  I will always write because it me brings me joy but I don’t feel I need this one great work in order to validate myself or my many hours writing.

Not long ago I had several small projects taking up room in my head.  This is not unusual for me as my mind tends to go divergent paths and takes turns and wind up at unexpected places.  Somewhere in my development this was nurtured.  Recently I had a screenplay I was flushing out, this blog, a web comic I wanted to start, and several other stories running through my mind.  I would navigate between them writing on the piece I felt I had the motivation or idea to pursue.  It was silly dividing my focus in so many directions.  And yet I still managed to focus more on coming up with premises and ideas than actually writing.  It’s so much easier to come up with the concept than to actually sit down and tough it out.  Also once the words are placed and story is done it’s out there ready for scrutiny.  It’s also over.  That intensity.  That frenetic energy that comes with the process fades.  Yes there is a level of satisfaction with the work being completed but then comes that feeling.  What’s next my mind asks daring me, tempting me.

For now I’ve settled on a simple path.  Continue writing my blog when I have something worth saying.  Not forcing myself to write twice a week or even once a week.  Simply write because that’s what I enjoy.  Then to focus on one piece besides this and pursue it.  Flush out the outline.  Then begin filling it in.  Find the rhythm and the pacing and improve the little bits that start to stick out.  Ask myself what is the core element and what are the themes that should continue to run through the work.  Then dive into the characters really feel like they are living breathing creatures who take action not simply because it will move plot along but because that’s what this person would do.  If you know the person you know what would happen when placed in the circumstance.

The story I’ve chosen and the one I plan on documenting is reasonably simple.  Most pieces that involve fantasy or science fiction or any otherworldly not immediately relatable setting have a window into the world.  This window is a character as out of place as we are.  We are meant to experience this world through them.  They are our substitute.  Look at Hellboy.  They had that boring federal agent character the introduce us to the universe those characters inhabited.  They dropped him in the second incarnation as he was no longer necessary, or interesting.  It’s always the new guy who gets shown around.  News flash, they are showing us around.

My take isn’t so far off.  I plan on displacing some people from our reality and placing them in another.  But they have no guides not person to walk them through.  They are as clueless as we would be.  They are reasonably normal people in a very abnormal circumstance. On top of this I want to play the four, there are four displaced people, against each other as they have very different experiences and reactions to this displacement.  Some enjoy their new home and some don’t.  But the thing that got me excited about the idea is the thought of getting back home and trying to explain their experiences.  How does a rational person who was thrown into another reality and then returned, how do they tell people what happened?  Do they simply tell them truth knowing they’ll be thought mentally ill.  I don’t really know the answer to this and it excites me as a writer.  And hey, I’m only writing for myself anyway, right?

Ben