Fear and Loathing in a Pandemic

This is no time for sobriety.  Besides the very realistic fear that if I stop long enough from ingesting my medicine that my mind will realize my body has decayed to such a terrible extent it might throw up it’s tiny imaginary hands declare “I can’t hold this festering pile of putrid sinew together” and simply walk out I believe the current state of events to be unbearable without some added benefit of copious amounts of mood enhancers.  Taken in correct doses with careful monitoring one might almost walk blithefully unaware through the bovine like masses.  But, I wonder, might it be tempting to interject true unobjectiveness.  Awakening myself to such realities during sobriety would surely lead to self-combustion.  What color I would burn then?  Vermillion I hope.  I always liked how that world rolled around in my mouth.

Ignoring my sinews and drugs for the time being I brush aside the haze and think hard about my deadline.  It was weeks past I realize as I look at the cracked black screen of my phone.  It lays, silent, at the base of the fireplace crushed by my rejection of its needy tendrils.  These cell phones worm their way into our lives.  They desperately seek and need our attention.  They crave the warm caress of our hands, our fingers softly rubbing, poking, squeezing it’s dead face.  It yearns for our gaze.  “Just one more moment,” it whispers lovingly into our ear.  There is no love.  It is empty loveless lust.  It desires our want but not us.  It requires our attention but not our spirit.

From a distance and with great trepidation I reanimate this monster.  I hope it will remain slumbering but the great electronic beast begins to reawaken.  I will be caught back by this succubus of time.  Alerts and messages flash angrily.  This was a mistake.  I walk away from the thing.  Consider picking it up again to throw it at the wall and try to hit the same spot as last time.  Do a better job of slaying the dragon.  For now I will settle for ignoring the thing.  I will share the space like a divorced couple forced to quarantine together.

This is our foul year of the lord two thousand twenty.  I think it is the year I claw myself to bits and let the very last remnants of my sanity leak out.  Perhaps, I muse, it would be a pleasant conversion turning into one of ‘them’.  I will wear ill fitting khaki pants and get a job doing nothing of societal importance sitting in a some god forsaken cubicle.  I will decorate this cubicle with what passes for acceptable corporate humor.  I will gorge myself on cheap coffee and pretend to like the things my department leader likes.  I will be unaware as my soul lives my body and continue emailing the same five people.  Nothing will get done but I will be paid enough to look down my nose at others.  I will have seven pairs of the same awful shoes.

I pry myself from the fever dream and stop the shaking.  I drop the glass of water I find in my hands.  How did this get here?  I expertly segment a cantaloupe with my bowie knife and ingest it greedily.  There is a hamburger nearby so I devour this next and wipe the grease onto my pants.  I claw at my throat.  I need fresh air.  I take my mask, the damnable thing, and place it on.  Fiercely resisting the primal urge to throw it in the fireplace near the other thing I stand resolute in my ‘duty’.  It glows again, the thing, it’s white hot anger summoned by my gaze.  Stroke me.  Look at me.  “Damnable witchcraft,” I shout.  The door slams.  I am outside.  It is quiet.  The straps of the burn my ears but I ignore it.  I can breathe for the moment.

The fuck am I doing?

I was told it was important to breathe through your mouth while wearing these masks.  My glasses begin to fog up immediately.  I spend the next several minutes trying to find the secret combination where I can rest my mask on my face without the strain inducing a migraine and where my glasses can rest low enough on my nose to hold the mask in place and still give adequate visual correction without danger of falling off.  I think, perhaps, I will unlock the mysteries of the Mayans first.  I find an unhappy median with the mask and resume my walk resigned, at this point, to fogged glasses.  Periodically I remove them angrily and place them about my neck.  I wander half blind.  I think there is beauty in this.  A wonderful ignorance.  I think this must be what those venal pigs feel.  Those savage knuckle draggers protesting their freedom.  I feel the bile rising at the mention of freedom.  Mention, did I say it loud?  Am I talking or thinking?  Freedom, the true kind, is a foreign concept.  Freedom has been replaced.  The corporate approved flag clutching freedom is myopic and exclusive.  It belongs only to those of the ill fitting khakis and bad haircuts.  I will never be among those people.  I’ve tried but some intrinsic piece of me wriggles free and bites at the back of my brain.  It claws at my eyes.  I can never belong to that crowd.  I do not hate in the same way they hate.  My anger spreads virulently in every direction.  Surging inward and outward.  I feel disgust with myself openly and often this is a cardinal sin for them.  One must never criticize themselves.  One must never criticize the group.  One must submit and make others fall in line.

The neighbors are staring at me.  I speed up my walk and do not wave.  A dog walks by and I look at the gentle beast.  I feel like that thing laying half dormant besides my fireplace.  Pay attention to me beast I implore him with my eyes.  Give me your love.  It saunters by led by a pair of black leggings and an ostentatious spring jacket.  Her mask is pulled so low as to be useless.  Words like wreath and manager must be common in her vocabulary.  I place my glasses on and they fog immediately.  I swear loudly.  I do not look to see if I have offended the owner of the black legging.  I definitely do not look to see if I have upset the beast with her.  I could not handle its derision.

I turn the corner and begin trudging up the hill.  I have, in times of delusion, run up this monstrous stretch of land.  In weak moments where I have foolishly attempted to harness the power within my own body I would bid my legs to shuffle quickly, to ignore the quickened pace of breath and the agony that would inevitably develop in my side.  I am hopeful that madness will not take hold again.  It is unpleasant enough to breathe through the cloth mask in clear days with little exertion.  Breathing through my mask while sweating and cursing and dealing with an insubordinate mass of flailing limbs seems outright insanity.  But, this is a time of great mental instability.  It is fruitful and profitable to be overcome with this malady.  Perhaps, I can cast aside such gentle conditions as empathy and critical thought and embrace the warmth of true capitalism.  I can crush my enemies and make wage slaves of the masses.  I can cultivate an image of goodness and charity while flouting the rule of law and the trust of man that keeps the fabric of society intact.  The threads are pulling but most of us simply close our eyes, ignoring the gaping holes.  Yes, I would be a kind overlord.  I would grant a true lunchbreak and not extend the workday to cover that time.  Yes, I would provide a matching 401k but not too generous of one.  I would be a member of decent society at this point as a job creator so it would not do to give away too much lest I be thought of as a communist, or worse, weak.  Yes, I would bust unions and promote executives who have a needless thirst for power and money.  How they would strive for KPI’s over the development of their direct reports.  Men and woman in smart attire who casually needle each other looking for weakness readying themselves to devour the competition.  They would be my people.  I would rule over this empire of misery and go yachting during the summer.  The groan of a package delivery truck awakens me from that seduction reverie.  I am relieved to be away from that momentary depravity.  I fell dirty beneath my skin in ways I cannot express adequately.

I find myself back to the house and its modicum of safety.  It is a prison of sorts but it is my prison.  I ignore the thing near the fireplace.  I turn on the television and leave it on an input connected to an unpowered device.  The screen is alive but nothing resonates.  It is not noise but it is not the maniacal bursts of depravity from television antics.  It is not the abject of terror watching the news.  News is just poorly written horror.  The monster will inevitably appear like some jump scare were are used to but never used to.  Our insatiable curiosity summoned this aberration.  It is the fault of all of us.  We had the power to look away but we chose to give it power by watching.  We knew it was pure ugliness but we didn’t care.  Either the talking heads who above the trawling chyron will mention the monster and the inference will be unpleasant or, worse still, his awful visage will appear in all its flesh like aberrance.  This pitiless rough and slouching beast who threatens to swallow Bethlehem with his rambling incoherent words dribbling out like hate vomit cannot be allowed take residence among my mind.  It is crowded enough as it is and I need no more anger.  Perhaps once again I am juxtaposing.  Rearranging the features of terror into something more and something else.  Like a name too terrible to say so letters are misarranged intentionally.  So the meaning is known but the true name is not spoke so the thing will not be summoned.  This monster is simply a man.  It is the grade school project scrapbook of all our worst traits.  Sewn together and made real.

I blink away those thoughts and I stare at the computer.  Perhaps I will write for a moment.  Capture the demons that haunt me and pin them to the page.  Slay them for the moment.  When they are unwritten and not yet real they have power over me.  They cannot be banished.  Bringing them to life, to the light, they can be seen.  Demons, like monsters, distrust the light.  They seek comfort in the liminal space and those who cannot hide in the comfort of darkness sow discord.  They speak from both sides of their mouth at the same time.  If we cannot trust reality who is to say what is real.  They are clever is a feral way.  So I will write the truth.  This writhing mass of emotion that I call my body and mind and spirit will shine some light on this moment of desperation.

Then I find the bottle of Jack Daniels I did not know I still had.  Perhaps the monster can wait a bit longer.  I turn the phone over so its glow faces downwards.  I want no further illumination in these moments of shame.  The medicinal comfort is needed first.  Then perhaps I can contemplate my deadline.

I drink deeply.  Like lost lovers reunited there is no hint of seduction or tenderness just unabated lust and lechery.  I stare at the screen of my laptop before my vision begins to wobble.  I begin to type: This is no time for sobriety.

~ Duke

The Problem with Gyms

Dear Prospective/Current member,

It has come to the attention of gym management lately that several members (both new and old) have been exhibiting inappropriate behavior.  In order to curb said behavior we have decided to send out a behavior quiz to better help educate our current and prospective members about proper gym etiquette.  Please take your time in filling out the form and ask any of our helpful employees if you have any questions.

Question 1
During your lifting routine you see who you assume to be a new gym member wandering around the weight room looking confused.
Do you:

A: Politely introduce yourself and ask the member if they like any help with weight or machines.  Or if they’d like to be introduced to any of the trainers who can help.
B: Strut over like a roided up gorilla and state "Bro, why are you even here?"
C: Ignore them.  They have to figure it out for themselves you can’t be coddling kids these days.
D: Walk over and ask if they want some help and winking tell them you can help them with their form while you subtly grope them.
E: Pull the fire alarm.

Question 2
You see what appears to be young man harassing a woman on the treadmill.  Do you:

A: Go to the nearest gym employee and explain the situation.
B: Sucker punch the man and ask for the woman’s number.
C: Ignore them.  She shouldn’t have worn comfortable form fitting work out clothes.  She as asking for it.
D: Walk over and ask if they want some help.  Then ogle her and call her a bitch if she rejects your help.
E: Distract the man by having a full blown meltdown on the phone allowing the woman to escape.

Question 3
You walk up to the row of treadmills.  The television in front of the machine you normally use is a channel you dislike.  Do you:

A: Look for another machine or calmly ask a gym employee to help change the channel.
B: Freak out they aren’t showing SportsCenter and throw you feces at the screen.
C: Freak out over the liberal media bias and throw you feces at the screen.
D: Instead choose the best treadmill in the second row so you ogle to other runners.
E: Immediately evacuate yourself and scream "don’t look at me" as you flee to the changing room leaving unpleasant messes at every step.

Question 4
Another member has started using a machine during your set break in your routine even though your towel, water bottle, and body position clearly state you weren’t done.  Do you:

A: Calmly wait for the person to be finished.  It’s likely a honest mistake and they weren’t paying attention.
B: Immediately snatch the weight out of their hands and beat your chest.  Loudly yell, "What the fuck Bro!" Without explaining the problem.
C: Loudly and passively aggressively complain about millennials ruing society and how no one has any manners today.  Stand with you hands on your hips while grimacing.
D: Sit behind them really close and explain that you weren’t done but that the two of you can machine if they’d like.  Subtly grope them.
E: Accidentally spill your green smoothie all over them.

Question 5
In the locker room there is a person who is openly nervous about changing and is looking around the room.  Do you:

A: Give them space and try to focus on changing and leave.
B: Take off all your clothes and strut over and ask if they’re feeling alright.  Ask them about the latest sports event to put them at ease.
C: Ignore them completely and walk around the changing room naked and fart loudly.
D: Compliment their clothing and sit nearby to make them feel at ease.  Subtly grope them.
E: Change as fast as possible to give them space and run out of the changing room at mock speed.  If possible do the Naruto run.

Question 6
A person asks you for a spot.  Do you:

A: Walk over and help them.  Encourage them as they lift and tell them they did a great job.
B: Strut over while shouting "Of course Bro!"  Criticize their form the whole time and tell them what you’d do better while flexing aggressively.
C: Scold them for asking and tell them they should either just lift it on their own and not bother people or go home.  Kids today are too disrespectful.
D: As you spot them lowly maneuver you groin closer and closer to them.
E:  Pretend you didn’t hear them and hide behind the weight rack.

Question 7
A young child is running through the room.  Do you:

A: Go find an employee and ask them for help.
B: Give the child a caffeinated protein shake and call him little man.
C: Intentionally trip the child and ignore the crying.  Smirk to yourself.
D:  Ignore the child and continuing staring at the other gym members as they work out.
E: Sparta kick the child.  Realize what you’ve done and hide behind the weight rack.


Question 8
You notice a member openly staring at other members.  They are positioning themselves so they can watch people work out and stare lewdly.  Do you:

A: Find the nearest employee and explain the situation.
B: Strut over them and tell them loudly to stop.  Make sure to smile at the person they were staring at.  Do an aggressive head nod at them and walk away.
C: Ignore them and yell at the news program.
D:  Walk over to the person and ask who they think is the hottest person there.
E: Try to make conversation with other members about your Star Wars theories.

Question 9
You see another member leave their water bottle behind by accident:  Do you:

A: Try to politely grab their attention as they pass and point out their water bottle.
B:  Yell, "Yo, you left you fucking bottle Bro!"  Throw it at them like a football as hard as you can.
C: Mutter to yourself and say it serves them right.  Fart loudly mid set.
D:  Run over and grab the water bottle.  Get their attention and say they left something behind.  Hold the water bottle provocatively in front of your groin.
E:  Immediately claim it as your own and squirrel it away with the rest of your ill-gotten collection.

Question 10
You see a member leave their machine in a puddle of sweat and not return to towel it off.  Do you:

A: Spray the machine down and wipe it off.  Remember this for next time so you can politely and non-threateningly pull them aside and tell them they should wipe down the equipment after using it.
B: Wipe down the equipment with your towel and then throw it in the person's face while calling them a sweaty jackass.
C: It’s the gym employee’s job to clean things up.  You as the members pay them.  It’s not anyone’s job to clean up but the gym employees.
D: Immediately use the machine and inhale their scent deeply.
E: Ignore them and continue eating your large pepperoni pizza and buffalo wings.


Question 11
Another gym member is attenpting to make small talk with you.  Do you:

A: Politely engage with them to make them feel comfortable and a part of the community.
B: Flex aggressively.  Talk over them and change the subject.
C: Sneer and leave.
D: Stand as close as possible to them.  Subtly grope them.
E: Show them your impersonation of a velociraptor and run around the weight room screeching.


Question 12
You are lifting weights in front of the mirror.  Do you:

A: Use the mirror to help make sure you form is correct for both eccentric and concentric movements.
B: Flex aggressively and kiss your biceps.
C: As you arrive grab all the different weights you need for each exercises you may or may not do while taking up as much room as possible.  Leave your space in total disarray as it’s not your job to rack them after you are done.
D:  Lift half-heartedly as you use the mirror to stealthily look at other gym members.
E: Practice making different faces for your improv comedy troupe.  Don’t explain yourself as it’s a social experiment.

Question 13
You notice a large influx of gym members due to New Year’s resolutions and the gym is much more crowded than usual.  It is also filled with a lot of new and inexperienced members.  Do you:

A: Hope that many of the new members stay and continue on to have a positive physical improvement journey.
B: Complain loudly about all the idiots who don’t know how to lift properly and lament that the wight room is crowded with a bunch of newbies.
C: Turn up the volume on the new channel as high possible to drown out the noise.
D: Offer to help any of the new people with exercises or to show them around.  Grope them subtly.
E: Only show up at off hours to avoid having human interaction.  Complain on the internet about the gym sucking now.


We’d like to thank you for taking time out of your day to complete this educational quiz.  We ask that after you finish to please hand it in to the nearest gym employee for review.

The terrible no good life of a junior white house staffer

Jason’s Diary


March 23rd
I was originally hired for editing press releases.  My department head has been fired, replaced, then replaced again.  I’m unsure who I report to and I’m not entirely sure what my job title is anymore.  I try to wear dark suits to blend into the shadows, that seems to be keeping me out of trouble for the most part.  Trump doesn’t know my name and that seems to help.  He keeps firing people when he isn’t distracted but really only the people whose names he recognizes stay fired.  The rest of us just swap positions.  I have started to drink on the weekends.  I try not to tell my parents about the job.  My friends keep asking for any inside information.  I lie to them and say it’s wonderful.  One of the staffers who started the same week as me thought it would be funny to respond to emails like that by saying the Kremlin is wonderful this time of year.  I haven’t seen him in a few days.

My roommate is leaving for the next month on sabbatical and asked me to look after Charlie his cat.  I’m not much of a cat person but I figured it would be helpful for him and he’d pay back the favor in kind.

April 4th
I had to remind one of the new guys that all memo’s need to be in bullet points and large type font.  He thought I was joking.  I don’t think he’ll make it.  I focus my time on helping those who might be able to get through.  Trump overheard my name yesterday but I ducked when it was said.  I saw him scanning the room but he didn’t see me.  Pence saw but he remains a mystery to me.  I leave him alone and he seems to appreciate that.  His eyes remind me of a shark.  Dull and lifeless on the surface but capable of great emotion once engaged.

Sean Spicer was having a really bad day so I split my candy bar with him.  He asked me where I got the candy bar.  I joked that I never reveal my sources as I’m a trustworthy fellow.  He nodded solemnly.  I felt pity for him.

April 11th
A group of were in the oval office.  I stood next to Sean and slightly behind him, only just visible like something at the edge of your site.  Sean liked me as I kept a small supply of small candy’s in my pocket.  I would share them with him.  I pitied his constant expression of desperation.  It seemed like his sanity was clawing at the back of his eyes.  The words falling out his mouth were like hemlock he was forced to digest and regurgitate.  I wondered how long he could survive here.  He aged horribly.  I was supposed to be taking notes to turn the latest word salad in viable talking points.  I mostly spaced out and constructed them on my own.  I am unsure if what I am doing is sin.  I have not been sleeping well.  Charlie the cat has been taking to curling up at my feet sensing my trouble.  He is a good cat.  I started to pay attention when trump gesticulations grew especially large.  He smirked and looked in my direction.  Shit.  I couldn’t duck out this time.  He made direct eye contact.  Pence may have smirked.  That bastard, he’s been playing me.  That fucking shark!  I could see emotion in those fucking eyes.  Fuck, he wants to show me the red button, for the love of all that's holy don't push- oh, it's soda.  A man ushers in a cold soda in a slender glass on a silver plate.  I unclench.  He asks me something, I didn’t quite catch it.  Sean nudges me.  I nod affirmatively and say something.  I can’t quite recall but I think I said something about elegance and him and other compliments.  Trump turns to Pence nodding.  Pence’s eyes returned to normal.  I can’t see disappointment but I can smell it in the air.  Fuck that guy.  Next time I see him I’ll accidentally lock him in the room with Sindee.  She’s the intern we hired who’d some fashion designer’s grandniece.  She has zero experience but Trump always is nicer when she’s around.  Also she’s incredibly hot and dresses in a way that makes me feel like that one time Carol my Freshman year accidentally flashed me.  I know it's not appropriate to talk about a woman’s looks and rate her on them but she’s a walking erection builder.  Later that night I feel extremely guilty, took a long shower and drank heavily.

April 13th
I lost the vote and had to squeegee off the television.  Some idiot put on MSNBC instead of Fox news.  I’d punch that person in the kidney if I knew who it was.  I was about to eat Sean’s candy but stopped myself.  I’m not entirely sure but I think I’m the best part of his day.

Paul Ryan came by earlier today.  Sindee told me she thinks he’s hot.  I told her I could probably get a meeting with him.  Later that day she let me feel her up.  I cried in the shower that night.  I think this place is changing me.  I would never do something like that.  My parents would be so upset.

April 20th
I told Sindee to hide in the broom closet and she got mad at me for trying to feel her up again.  Later that day she apologized when she found out Ted Nugent was in the hallway.  She kissed me cheek.  I promised myself I would try to get a meeting with Paul Ryan.  I’m not a fucking animal.  I just realized today that not a single person from the team I started with has stayed on.  Pence was watching me again.  I still don’t trust that bastard.

April 24th
I saw a flaming skull in the hallway today.  I thought it was that old Castlevania nightmare I used to have at sleep away camp.  But it was real.    Someone told me the skull chewed its way out of the body they fit for Kelly Ann Conway.  They stuff the body full of snakes and shove the flaming skull inside.  This oddly made most sense out of everything I’d heard this week.  I told my manager about it and he started freaking out.  He told me if Pence found out he’d flip his shit.  Any witchcraft had to be kept from him at all costs.  I ate some of the candy I had been saving for Sean and hid in the bushes.  I found another staffer there had brought in a small television and we’d played x-box for a few hours.  He hugged me and wished me well then said if I told anyone about his hiding spot he’d cut me from stomach to throat.  I think maybe we can become friends.

May 2nd
I had one of the interns draft a memo to Paul Ryan lying about Tony Horton visiting the White House.  I figured it was gamble that might draw him out.

May 3rd
I had the best sex of my life in the broom closet with Sindee.  I feel a little bad about the intern being forced to assigned the flaming skull after his imbroglio.  I told him about the spot in the bushes but he had to be careful when he went there.  He thanked me.

May 8th
The other staffer are looking to me for orders.  I’m not entirely sure how this happened.  It happened so incrementally I can’t piece together the tipping point.  Jared asked me to play basketball tomorrow.  I’m not sure if this is a trap but I have to go.  I handed one of the interns a pile of candy and told them to follow Sean and keep him out of trouble.  She stood there looking confused.  I raised my voice and she ran away crying.  I felt bad but it needed to be done.  If they couldn’t deal with me there no way they could deal with the inner circle.  I told one the junior staffers to find her and apologize.  He looked dejected like he wanted to relish in her pain.  I fear for my people.  I’m not sure if I’m doing enough to try and keep a positive influence on my small band of staffers.

May 11th
Pence and I have come to an understanding.  He is spectacular fighter.  He both coughed up blood for the next hour and drank heavily at nearby bar.  He told me he was proud of me.  I did not shy away from his arm as he wrapped around my shoulders.  It felt… it felt good.  I took a longer shower than normal.  Sindee stayed over tonight.  She has decided her name for me would be babe.  She was in between that and hun.  I am unsure if this is a mistake.  That night I dreamt about going back to Princeton.

May 12th
Kissinger visited today.  I was told to keep “Kelly” away from him.  She might get confused and gravitate to a higher evil. I decided I’d go home early claiming to be sick.  I drank heavily and hugged my cat Charlie.  Charlie is becoming used to this behavior.  I think he worries for me.  He’s a good cat.

May 13th
I got into my car and just kept driving.  I had Charlie with.  Sindee is still asleep at my apartment.  I don’t think I’m going back.  I text Sean and tell him I’m sorry.  A moment later my phone starts ringing.  I know it’s him.  I refuse to pick up.  I know he won’t leave and I refuse to let him drag me back.  I try to hold back the tears but fail.  Charlie mewls at me and I tell him everything is going to be okay.  He lays his head down on the seat.
Today I am free.

Grading Betsy DeVos

It seems relatively easy to be cast into uncertainty in regards to any and all American political machinations as of late but I plan on focusing specifically on the problems with our current Secretary of Education Betsy, both real and imagined.  This confusion is especially true as quite a few 'politicians' would have trouble understanding that proceeding sentence (it has too many syllables perhaps?) and label the author an elitist simply based on vocabulary, sentence structure and the fact that there were no glaring typos - something the current administration is laughably bad at avoiding.  More likely it would simply be ignored as it was not a simple bullet point list, which, unlikely as it might be, could be appreciated by Henry David Thoreau ("Our life is frittered away by detail... simplify, simplify."*) Or even worse it wouldn't be read at all beyond the title and it would be roundly criticized, mischaracterized, argued using straw men, then ignored once the next problem arises in, judging by current tempo, about twenty minutes.

*"Please don't associate my name with those cretins.  Also, did you not read any of my works about civil disobedience you idiot?", what I imagine Thoreau might say to this inference.  After, of course, the whole "Oh my god I’m not dead anymore and what the fuck is a cell phone and did someone build a parking lot on my fucking pond?  I swear to crap this country sucks now."  Guess all that time transcending or whatever didn’t stop him speaking like a longshoreman when angry.

Besides the fast and loose method of dealing with the truth, the terrifying manner in which we find ourselves concerning the fourth estate, we are at a cultural war between rational thought and anti-intellectualism.  Thrust in the middle of this fiasco is an entirely pleasant woman who simply wants to change our education system in the manner she thinks will help children.

Her complete lack of experience, her lack of knowledge beyond the narrow scope of causes she champions is entirely glossed over in an era when being an actual expert is derided.  She lacks knowledge concerning; education; differentiation and special needs (IDEA); guns in schools (wait, what if the bears have guns, how do we deal with them then?); classroom experience; the laws around education; and countless (boxless if we are using common core math) other important topics that should concern someone running the department.

Millions of citizens have emailed and multiple thousands have called senators over the hearing for DeVos.  Phone lines have been overloaded with calls.  This is both amazing and disheartening.  Amazing in that people who opposed to a bad choice took time out of their day to fight politically, something the nation has been sorely lacking for time due to what I can only assume is long standing apathy from consistent failure and painful realities of being an American in the modern age of obstructionism and partisan politics.  Disheartening in that only two senators dissented in the face of this unprecedented outpouring of concern.

When we look at the amount of push back concerning DeVos it is curious in comparison to other nominations for executive departments.  People who have, in their recent past, been actively opposed, in legal battle with, or defy the modis operandi of the very department they are nominated to helm.  It is placing wolves as shepherds.  These departments are meant to help and defend American’s against predatory practices.  The EPA is meant to protect us against businesses and individuals who would circumvent laws and morality to pollute our environment doing us irreparable harm.  Placing a proponent of dirty energy who sued (by sued I mean sued thirteen times) the very agency he is now beholden to uphold in charge of this agency is exceptionally damaging.  By the way he sued the EPA thirteen times.  Now, it could be argued that bringing law suits against the agency does not mean he finds the EPA to be bad institution he simply wants to take legal action as is his right and without looking into his lawsuits and simply claiming the number as evidence is sloppy.  I’ll just leave this here for arguments sake.  While job creation is important dirty energy is not creating jobs at the same pace as green energy.  It’s being phased out.  It’s a last gasp and it is terribly important that those giants of industry, as they crumble, don’t crash around us and threaten to further damage our environment.

But this follows a trend of nominations.  The first Secretary of Labor nomination was Andrew Puzder, who ultimately, thank goodness, decided to walk away from the nomination.  Nominating a man in charge of fast food chains to look out for workers’ rights is to turn a blind eye to the predatory behavior of the franchise models and the exploitation of the unskilled minimum wage workers.  Predatory also aptly applies to Steven Mnuchin who has already been confirmed as Secretary of Labor. A man whose company “[used] potentially illegal tactics to foreclose on as many as 80,000 California homes.”  80,000 illegal foreclosures.  Do we really want a man who illegally helped removed a small city’s population from their homes in this position?

It only seems logical to assume there is glaringly evil – and I mean glaringly mustache twirling, dastardly kind of evil - trend to nominate people who essentially hate the safeguards their agency in is charge of enforcing and creating.  This is beyond fucking terrifying.  Remember Flint Michigan still doesn’t have clean water.  Good luck having that fixed any time soon.  Imagine not having water for a few days, this has been going on since April.. April 2014…  twenty fucking fourteen!  DAPL is still fighting on sovereign Native American soil to place an unwanted oil pipeline through their territory.  Oil pipelines have a long, storied history of their contents someone how seeping into the ground and groundwater through breakages or seepages.
Here’s a few entirely unrelated links…

Pipeline Spill
Oil spill undiscosed
Does big oil care
Oil and gas well inspections


Unlike many of the nomination Betsy does not seem evil.  She seems quaint in comparison.  While some of the other nominees do have the experience and knowledge that Betsy lacks they combine that knowledge with hauntingly awful ideology.  But there are some trends that appear.  One trend seems to be with these nominations to highlight those who are not simply unfit but antagonistic to the very core of the department.  Also these individuals, who work for the executive branch of the government, are advocating having the federal government less involved in state affairs.  What does this have to do with Betsy DeVos?  It all boils down to school choice.

The aim of school choice is the ability to give parents and children choice in where they can go to school.  It’s intent is to give parents the ability to bring their child to another school be it private, religious, public or charter school.  In effect some politicians (while Republicans are the majority or those who want school choice the idea of supporting charter schools as a viable alternative to public schools is often a democrat’s rally cry) want to move the money bookmarked for each child to the school chosen by the family.  They want schools to compete and the best (the strongest) schools will grow stronger and the worst (the weakest) will be shuttered.  It’s the social Darwinism of education.  While this might be an effective policy in that good schools will get better and bad schools will close the reality is likely very, very different.

Part of the reason why schools are good or bad isn’t necessarily due to policy or the strength of the teachers and administration (I am in no way impugning teachers or policy but at a macro scale there is another metric that is far mightier).  It’s money.  Funding is derived from the state government, the local government and the federal government.  The state accepts federal funds (usually with strings attached which is why most states decided to accept common core as their mandate) and mixes that with funds from sales and income taxes.  At this point all schools are essentially equal.  The districts use property taxes to fund schools.  Higher property taxes correlates to more dollars feeding local schools.  This creates desirable communities for wealthier parents.  These higher performing desirable schools have more money to perpetuate this cycle.  Meanwhile inner city schools have less funding, they can barely keep up with infrastructure.  They start falling behind on items like federally mandated paraprofessionals, cutting arts programs, after school programs, and teachers begin to abandon the system.  It’s the opposite cycle.  Then testing comes into play with how federal and state funds are split.  Higher performing schools get more funds while other schools are penalized.  School in order to get those dollars they need simply to limp along alter how they teach so that they are focusing more on testing and less on holistic education.  The cycle perpetuates.  Parents move to better neighborhoods.

Then the idea of school choice comes in.  The argument is that parents should be free to choose schools and have a larger array of options.  On its face this is a wonderful idea.  Poor families who cannot move to desirable school systems could perhaps move their child out of poorly funded areas and give their child a better chance for success.  One question which immediately comes to mind is what happens to schools in inner cities or poor neighborhoods if all the children simply leave?  Another is the logistical nightmare regarding the sudden influx of millions cramming into better schools.  Obviously, the schools should be able to reject certain students, especially if they aren’t from the district of the parents paying into the system?  So then, if that’s true, not all the students can get in.  Choice is then narrowed and the students are competing for the school not the other way around.  Some students will make it out while other will not.  Yes, you may have choice but necessarily not the ability to get in.  In the end choice means nothing.  Could school choice possible work?  Yes?  Can it work without nitty gritty details, amazing legislative work and careful planning?  Zero boxes… sorry, I mean no chance.

Competition is not always better in this case we develop a zero sum game.  That’s essentially the system we already have.  For one school to benefit (get more funding) the other must get less.  So we can predict the success of school through game theory.  This of course is fucking maddening because it can look like this**:

M_{F}={\frac  {W_{O}+3W_{F}}{W_{O}+3W_{F}+2W_{O}+0W_{F}}}={\frac  {W_{O}+3W_{F}}{3W_{O}+3W_{F}}}

**Okay, maybe that is part game theory called battle of the sexes (postulated by Russel Crowe maybe?) but it still applies, kinda, but more than likely the formula for schools would be way more complicated.

So then we come to a decision are we treating schools like the economy and allow a free unregulated method for competition of funding, prestige, rating, and resources (this being teachers and students which one would assume have different values on their abilities both innate and learned) or do we regulate more tightly.

Is this about kids or is it about money?  Is this just some fucked up economic model to be exploited?  If so we shouldn’t let the administration populated with wall street villains hoist their pick upon us.  That’s damning in it of itself.  Look at the system for incarceration and how bad it became under privatization.  As an aside if group of politician think the best way to run the country is more privatization because the government can’t be trusted to run things correctly why are we letting those same politicians make choices?  Shouldn’t we stop paying them?   This obviously is not a real argument but simply one to highlight to hypocrisy and foolishness of privatization as simply passing along the problem.

Another solution is the probably unpopular but likely empathetic choice of the diverting funding into the failing schools that need more help instead of penalizing them.  If it’s broken simply fix it.  Bring those schools on par with the others in the nation.  Why have these schools compete when they aren’t on a level playing field.  That’s part of the premise of school choice: competition.  The weak fall and the strong survive.  Will this help all kids or will it simply divert funds from public and follow students to parochial and private schools.  Several politicians would like to see the money ear marked per child follow them to the appropriate school.  Troubling here would be that through choice American’s would be funding religious schools, private schools, or charter schools that don’t need to meet the same rigid standards as public schools.

So perhaps instead of figuring out ways to move people away from failing schools – which is the intent of school choice – we fix the failing schools.  But that’s just theory it isn’t like anyone has actually done that.  Well unless you count Finland because Finland totally did that.  They completely changed how they ran schools.

“There are no mandated standardized tests in Finland, apart from one exam at the end of students’ senior year in high school. There are no rankings, no comparisons or competition between students, schools or regions.”***

This lack of competition is decidedly an unamerican cultural trend.  It may very well be something that is helpful to education.  However, don’t think that removing competition means removing work or challenge.  It shouldn’t.  Finland also treats it’s teachers markedly different and enables then to teach in manner they deem most effective.  Imagine that the person who deals with the students directly, who has educated him or herself through countless years of schooling to do just that, is treated with the level of respect they earned through hard work and experience.  The teachers are trusted to do what is best for the children.

Here are two links about Finnish schools:
What Americans keep ignoring about Finland school success
***Why are Finland's schools succesful

Let’s ignore Finland for a moment.  Let’s even ignore school choice which is the only ideology we seem to know about from Betsy DeVos.  Let’s look at her first visit to a school that actually let her arrive.  For some reason schools’ have been hesitant or outright belligerent to Secretary DeVos.  I can only hope there is enough self awareness among Betsy and her cadre to understand that reaction.
She finally visited a school in the D.C. area (Jefferson Academy) and was able to spend the day watching teachers interact with their class.  While Betsy had praise for the school and the teachers it was comingled with sharp criticism in regards to them in what she terms receive mode.

Here is the quote in full:

“I visited a school on Friday and met with some wonderful, genuine, sincere teachers who pour their heart and soul into their classrooms and their students and our conversation was not long enough to draw out of them what is limiting them from being even more success from what they are currently. But I can tell the attitude is more of a ‘receive mode.’ They’re waiting to be told what they have to do, and that’s not going to bring success to an individual child. You have to have teachers who are empowered to facilitate great teaching.” ~ Secretary Betsy DeVos

Now it’s entirely possible Secretary DeVos is correct in her assessment.  More likely she is simply wrong as Jefferson Academy is “one of the fastest-improving schools in the city’s public school system.”****  It is also likely that DeVos, who has likely never gone into a classroom and observed before, is simply taking an opportunity to build a support system for her views.  If she states that the teachers here are in support mode and aren’t creating success she is developing a narrative that fits her goals.  That she is creating a narrative without any substance is what truly ties Secretary DeVos to this administration.  Perhaps she’ll mandate curriculum to include alternative facts or false narratives.
But I’m not an educator.  It might seem hypocritical to admonish her for something I have roughly the same amount of experience regarding.

Fortunately Jefferson Academy responded through a series of tweets (see below).  I really do hope that reliance on tweets to get messages, propaganda, and political views across is scoured from the earth sooner rather than later.  However, it’s nice to see the passion and counterargument from the school.

“This is what Sec. DeVos said about our teachers after her visit. Needless to say, we're about to take her to school...

“First, the secretary visited the classroom of Ashley Shepherd and Britany Locher, a dynamic co-teaching team that differentiates for the...

“needs of students ranging from a first grade level to an eighth grade level in reading. They build amazing relationships with students and..

“maintain a positive classroom environment focused on rigorous content, humor, and love. They aren't waiting to be told what to do.

“Then she saw Latisha Trent in action. Ms. Trent has been at Jefferson for 3 years, and each year her students grow MULTIPLE grade levels...

“in Math. EVERY student realizes his or her maximum potential in Ms. Trent's room. She isn't waiting to be told what to do.

“Then the Sec. met Band teacher Jessica Harris, who has built our Music program from the ground up. Ms. Harris pours her heart into her work.

“Ms. Harris is patient, kind, relentless, and reflective. She is everything you want in a teacher. She isn't waiting to be told what to do.

“Morgan Markbreiter was there as well. Ms. MB has unleashed the passion of countless students through her Video Game Design course. MB also..

“runs our INCREDIBLE after-school program, which provides FREE tutoring and enrichment to our kids. She isn't waiting to be told what to do.

“JA teachers are not in a "receive mode." Unless you mean we "receive" students at a 2nd grade level and move them to an 8th grade level.

Here are two links on the visit:
****DeVos criticized teachers at a DC school she visited and they are not having it
Public school fires back after betsy DeVos criticizes it's teachers


If you still believe Secretary DeVos is a good pick you are allowed to have that opinion.  But I hope you remember that not all opinions are created equal.  You certainly have the choice to make this opinion.  But maybe not the ability to make an informed one.  Now go and hug a teacher and tell them everything is going to be okay.  They likely need it.

Ben

The Problem with Football

On any given Sunday I’ll be downstairs playing video games where every few moments or so I’ll be distracted by loud screams emanating from upstairs.  It could be a guttural “yes”, perhaps followed by a gleeful laugh of indulgently gloating over a rival team, or a sharp “no” aimed at the television.  These verbal assaults are loud enough to cause inanimate objects to violently shudder or to cower in a corner weeping.  My wife is yelling at the television.  The dog, harried, has long since come downstairs to, in comparison, the soothing sounds of my video game slaughter.  Football has invaded my once calm household and my wife is yelling atavistically in an empty room.  I shrug, trying to ignore the cacophony, and indulge in my guilty pleasure of video game carnage.

There was a time, not too many years ago, when I was that frothing idiot spilling beer excitedly over touchdowns and spectacular plays while Adi watched me with no comprehension of football’s grasp.  The few years I spent in Philadelphia I temporarily converted to the city’s religion, the Eagles.  As it was Philadelphia the city loved their team loudly proclaiming their superiority and starting fights but they also turned on a dime over the players.  No one laid into Donovan louder than his own fans it seemed.  Eventually, sometime after moving back to New England, I stopped rooting for the Eagles after they hired Michael Vick.  This drew some confusion from other football fans.  They inquired as to the issue.  I said plainly I didn’t want to root for a team who hired a man who killed so many dogs.  They stated, correctly, that he had done his time.  I agreed but I didn’t want to root for the asshole.  Just because he spent time in jail doesn’t negate his actions.  They still happened.  It was not tabula rasa, those dogs still suffered and died.  They’d argue with no regard for my viewpoint (that I like dogs and people who aren’t jerks more than football) that I should get over it and root for my team.  And thus I uncovered some of the problems with football.  Football fans are dicks.

Football fans are great apologists.  As long as it’s their guy.  Teams are filled with so many rapists, violent spousal abusers, homophobes, bullies, child beaters, cheaters, liars, and unrepentant assholes you can easily fill a fantasy football team filled with convicted felons.  It would probably be a solid team.

So we have a bunch of football fans who forgive the atrocities of their players, this is not terribly uncommon form how we often treat actors and pop singers.  Maybe the league might take notice and stand above such pettiness.  Or not, probably not.  The NFL has a simple tactic.  Ignore it as long as possible and outwait the critics.  They seem to focus more angrily at enforcing players to make a certain amount of contractual appearances to the media than have players stop hurting people.  I am aware that being great at football does not automatically qualify a person to be a well-rounded role model but it would be nice to try.

A lot of football players end up penniless after they forget to change their spending habits after retiring.  It might behoove them to act a certain way so they can work afterwards.  I can deal with assholes, T.O. was a massive asshole.  But when he was on the Eagles he was my asshole (that sounds so much worse now that I’ve read that back).  But seriously stop being such merciless shitheads.  It will be awfully hard to become a spokesperson for  a company after sending unwanted pictures of your dick to random people… no… never mind.  Those wranglers look great I guess.

Not all the players are jerks mind you but there sure seems to be a bunch of them.  But that’s only part of the system.  Fortunately owners and coaches are above all that.  It’s not like they’d permit racism or ignore public outcry and keep a deeply offensive name for a football team.  Okay so maybe they might.  But it’s really expensive to change logos and print new items.  It’s not like the NFL teams are constantly updating their stores and fans are buying new version of jerseys… okay maybe they are.  The Redskins could make a positive spin by changing their name.  They could hold a contest for the new team name.  Gather a whole bunch of good press.  Hell, they could donate a whole bunch of money to Native American causes after raising money.  But fuck that, this is America and we like our football.

But that’s just one guy.  He might be alone.  Well, how about a revered football guy like Mike Ditka.  Yeah, he’s totally racist, maybe like racist light (only 46 calories but still filled with all that bitter hate you love) but still way more than acceptable.  Maybe it’s just me but espousing racism seems like a bad idea when there are walking human slabs of muscle who have been training to demolish other walking slabs of muscle walking around who might take umbrage at your unkind words.  These are very big dudes who get paid and rewarded to violently ram into other big dudes.  Did you know they are coming out with a new police procedural drama coming to a station near you?  It’s called “Mike Ditka Casual Racist.”

These guys are all jerks but they’re getting paid a whole bunch of money.  It’s not anyone’s fault that they often end up with nothing right?  Except for the whole concussion and brain damage thing.  Linemen, on average, are around 300 pounds (the internet told me this so it may be true) and this 300 pounds wants to make you stop in your tracks like the go to jail card in monopoly.  Do no pass go, do not collect 200 dollars, go straight to fucking pain town with a side order of memory loss, internal trauma, shortened lifespan, and a host of other problems.  But they only get so often and not always to the head.  Maybe like once a game.  No, more?  Okay maybe like three times.  No?  Well why don’t you just tell me Virgnia tech study I found on the internet?

“Football players were struck in the head 30 to 50 times per game and regularly endured blows similar to those experienced in car crashes, according to a Virginia Tech study that fitted players' helmets with the same kinds of sensors that trigger auto air bags.”

Oh, that seems like a lot.  Also that whole car crash thing sounds pretty bad.  I wonder what they estimate the tackling force might be?  What’s that internet?  Oh it‘s only “1600 pounds of tackling force”.  That seems only moderately life threatening.

Thank goodness these same practices don’t permeate sports at a younger level like high school.  It would way worse for developing brains to absorb that kind of repeated trauma.  Or high schools could totally drop the ball.  Even when good coaches and trainers take care of their of their charges we still have a bunch of kids who cover up their injuries to continue playing as they fear they’ll lose their spot.  It’s not like getting a second concussion during a certain time period after your first could kill you.  Actually it can and it does.  Concussions are some scary shit and medical science still isn’t all that great about it.  We’re making progress as this issue is gaining more support but we are in the dark ages compared to other fields.

Okay so it’s really dangerous, especially for our youth athletes, it’s steeped in racism and violence but hey it teaches unity and how to be a team player.  Nothing else is bad about football.  Well there is the whole cheerleaders who are treated like shit.  These ladies are paid barely anything for the privilege of wiggling seductively on the field.  But there seems to be some change on the horizon for that due to some recent law suits.

But why do these scandals keep popping up and sliding out of our memory?  Young men are dying or shortening their lives in football leagues but little is done.  Maybe we shouldn’t allow football to expand outside the states.  But hey, what’s more American as of late than that all permeating sense of apathy?  Maybe America deserves the sport.

Ben

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/30/nfl-criminals-seattle-seahawsks-earl-thomas_n_6579402.html
http://www.thrillist.com/entertainment/chicago/mike-ditka-chicago-bears-quotes
http://www.popularmechanics.com/adventure/sports/a2954/4212171/
http://www.inreview.com/archive/topic/14556.html
http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2013/01/31/170764982/are-nfl-football-hits-getting-harder-and-more-dangerous

Common Core, New Math and the Confusing State of Education

After hearing people bitch about Common Core and New Math I decided upon some web research into the matter.  Looking up the actual policy pages for Common Core I came up with no clear picture of what the hell it was.  It was pointlessly abstruse and said absolutely nothing.  It tries to state that things will be stringent and simple and uphold students to a higher level so they can compete globally.  Specifically there is mention of competition economically in global level.  This is fine but these are skills we teaching to elementary school kids.  I do believe it is important to provide a base of knowledge, skills and most importantly teach methods of thought so that year by year children can increase said proficiencies until they graduate with the hope of being prepared for the real world.  My problem is to strong disconnect with what is stated, its mission plan, and the actions taken.  I remember my sister in law calling my wife while her daughter cried because no one in the household knew what the hell monkey letters were.  There was no explanation.  Nothing on the internet explained it.  My wife, an educator, started blankly as she held the phone.  The fuck are monkey letters?  Apparently it’s when the letters dip below the line. Lower case y’s, j’s, g’s and so on.  Awesome.  Let’s add some stupid phrases that lump stuff together for no apparent reason and confuse the fuck out of the kids.  Oh and not tell the parents.  That will help.

Shifts in academic policy are fine.  I am all for change.  But when change happens there needs to be a proper plan to inform those affected.  Also this new math is awful.  I’ve read the defense of it.  I understand the point but it’s still stupid.  Those unaware of new math I’ll give you an example.  Take 23 and 54.  Increase 23 to a manageable, easier, number.  Say 25.  That’s 2.  Draw a box around 2.  Now increase 25 to the next easy number.  30.  That’s five.  Draw a box.  Now increase to 50.  Draw a box around the 20.  Now increase by 4.  Draw another fucking box.  Add 2, 5, 20 and 4.  It’s 31.  Not wad that paper into a ball and throw it far, far away, wrap your arms tightly around yourself and pretend it never happened.  There is also the line approach.  Which is drawing lines to see difference.  Yes, these are actual methods, that do actually work.  The question is do they work better?  Do they work faster?  And most importantly do they create a process of thought that is better.  By process of thought I mean does this teach critical thinking or proper problem solving skills that will enable a person to use similar methods of thought to conquer other problems.  I’m rather sure the answer is no.  Best of all if a child learns the older math, answers correctly they still score low.  Why?  Because they need to show their work.  This is an old adage from math I always had to deal with and something I agree with (but not in the case).  But they have to show the work the way the curriculum demands with boxes and lines.

I’m sure teachers are not exactly in love with this, they have to learn and enforce rules that seemingly make no sense.  But teaching is still a job and they have to abide by the rules no matter how stupid if they want to keep making a living.  I am increasingly reading more about teachers’ quitting over this.  A long experienced kindergarten teacher quit because of forced changes that had her preparing five year olds for a test.  Five year olds.  I deal with small kids at the dojo and I’m happy when they pay attention and ecstatic when they remember things.  She has to teach them to be ready for a test.

Administrators are probably pissed.  Not all administrators are soulless abominations that exist simply to torture others and enforce pointless policy.  And they have to learn these standards and get the teachers caught up and totally change how they track performance.  Oh good, even more reason to love professional development.  My version of professional development is going out with the team for drinks after work.

Students who don’t know any better don’t really care because they have no frame of reference.  But parents are most likely frothing at the mouth.  So why is it still happening?  Well because the people who implemented this are not those who have to deal with the fallout.  It is generally agreed upon that CCSS (Common Core State Standards) was dreamed up by The Council of Chief State School Officers (CCSSO) and The National Governors Association (NGA).  The CCSSO is not a group of educators they are officials.  Wiki decribes them as such:

“a non-partisan non-profit organization of public officials who head departments of elementary and secondary education in the U.S. states, the District of Columbia, the Department of Defense Education Activity and five U.S. territories. CCSSO provides leadership, advocacy and technical assistance on major educational issues.”
Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Council_of_Chief_State_School_Officers

I’m not going to say they didn’t involve educators and learned scholars on the subject in crafting the curriculum, they did, however it seems they ran fast and loose with what they wanted from them as well as how they would go about implementing.  Meaning they paid very bright people to give a holistic idea and cherry picked parts of it.  I liken that to designing an archway then only building the parts of it they liked with no real insight as to why it was built in a particular fashion.  Maybe it will hold up or maybe the load above will come crashing down.  Hurray for keystones!

You can read Dr. Moats’ article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-bertin-md/when-will-we-ever-learn_b_4588033.html

So if an untrained eye can see that these standards and practices are out of whack why are so many states (45 states as well as the District of Columbia) irrationally following bad standards?  The answer it seems is federal money.  Not adopting Common Core costs states millions of dollars.  Indiana is one of the few states that initial bought in but is opting out now.

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2014/03/25/indiana-becomes-first-state-to-drop-common-core-standards/

Here’s a quick reminder of the recent history of education and it has a lot to do with federal and state practices.  Each state is in charge of determining their own standards and curriculum.  All changes, improvements testing (with exception of the S.A.T.) was done by the state.  No federal programs really had traction.  This of course means there will be the best state for education and the worst state for education.  A lot of that has to with funding, how the people in the state want their taxes spent, and various infrastructures.  So as a parent if you cared about education it was best not to live in certain states or it was a good idea to send your kid to a private school.  The problem being this is not exactly beneficial to people with less money.  Less money means less options but that seems to be a constant in life in America.  Scholarships help but only for a small few and only for top performers.  So being an average student in a poor neighborhood in a state with poor national standings probably means a subpar education through no fault of the child.  But there have been programs to try and change this as well as wonderful people who make it their life mission to help educate everyone.

On the national level there has been pressure to change some of this.  I didn’t start with George W. but his No Child Left Behind program hinged on a resurgence of standardized testing.  Obama’s version Race To The Top also has standardized testing at its core.  There is a very big problem with standardized testing.  Testing on its own is not bad.  It’s great to have metrics and measurements to see progress.  It’s great to see where a student is next to others.  The problem comes back to money, or rather funding.  Test scores effect funding.  Administration wants that funding and puts pressure on educators to get scores up.  To get scores up curriculums must be changed to teach subjects covered by the test.  It’s called teaching to the test.  In doing so we have stripped freedom from the teachers to teach as they see fit to make sure the kids know the material for the test above all else.  Gone are the days when kids could be divvied up for special attention.  The kids who excelled in a subject could be grouped together so they would be challenged appropriately for their development speed and not bored.  The kids who are normal developmentally will be on their track and the kids who need more help (this doesn’t mean stupid) will have their own track designed to help them not make them feel like they are under water.  Now it seems we lump everyone together and teach the same.  People learn differently, at different paces and with different styles.  But teachers aren’t allowed to make that call as much.

Teachers are leaving the profession in droves.  I’m seeing countless articles about teachers’ quitting or writing open letters about testing in Kindergarten/the destruction of their profession.  In a sense this could save the states money as those with more seniority and bigger paychecks leave while fresh new recruits come in with smaller salaries.  But the dropout rate for teachers is very high especially first years.  And it’s only going up.  This is not cheap.  Any decent HR person will tell you a revolving door of employees is very expensive in time, training and more.

“CTAF’s findings are a clear indication that America’s teacher dropout problem is spiraling out of control.  Teacher attrition has grown by 50 percent over the past fifteen years.  The national teacher turnover rate has risen to 16.8 percent.  In urban schools it is over 20 percent, and, in some schools and districts, the teacher dropout rate is actually higher than the student dropout rate.  The pilot study shows:

• The costs of teacher turnover are substantial.
• At-risk schools spend scarce dollars on teacher turnover.
• Teacher turnover undermines at-risk schools.
• At-risk schools could recoup funds by investing in teacher retention.
• Turnover costs can be identified, aggregated, and analyzed.
• District data systems are not designed to control the costs of turnover.”

http://www.forbes.com/sites/erikkain/2011/03/08/high-teacher-turnover-rates-are-a-big-problem-for-americas-public-schools/

The funny thing about Common Core is that politicians on both sides hate it, for different reasons, and news organization report on differing reason why it’s awful.  But they agree.  Let that sink in.  Members of the Tea party and members of the Democratic Party agree on this.

A real big problem here is that to fix this we would need a massive overhaul.  And the industry has been having every few years a massive overhaul but never in the right direction.  Teaching and educating in general is in a tumult.  I think it’s time a better solution one that empowers the right people, namely those who actually work in the classroom, is put in place.  But that would be logical and politics it seems rarely uses logic.  But it’s okay, if we fail here it’s only dooming the next generation to failure.

Ben

http://www.theblaze.com/contributions/arne-duncan-youre-a-liar-common-core-will-destroy-american-education/
http://dianeravitch.net/2013/08/24/the-biggest-fallacy-of-the-common-core-standards-no-evidence/
http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2013/09/common_core_either_you_re_against_this_new_push_for_academic_standards_and.2.html
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/wp/2014/01/18/everything-you-need-to-know-about-common-core-ravitch/?tid=pm_local_pop

How to Punish Big Business

Having worked in both small and large businesses I’ve gotten a sense of how ‘business as usual’ operates.  I don’t like it.  I’ve found that greed and aggression function as the baseline rather than the exception.  There are notable exceptions like Ben and Jerry’s whose corporate charter reads like a crunchy granola how to be a nice guy and help people booklet more than a system of operations.  This is why they are respected.  Also they load up the milk fat in their ice cream which is an excellent decision.  But for every Ben and Jerry’s there are five Enron’s.  The Enron scandal is over ten years old now.  Kenneth Lay never was sentenced (he died in 2006 before that finally happened) and the fervor and outcry has died.  For those that forgot Enron cooked the books, lied to investors and self inflated their own stocks.  They simply changed the numbers to make them look they way they wanted.  They created shell organizations for further number manipulation and generally did some very naughty things that a few execs got a lot of money and then the business imploded and thousands lost their jobs.  This is problematic.

I suggest a better solution.  It’s not the business that should be punished it’s the executives.  The trigger men and women.  Closing the business punishes the employees and clients.  The average workers only have guilt by association and lose their wellbeing through no fault of their own.  They don’t know their company is hurting people.  The company made oodles of money than won’t be recovered properly and a good chunk of that money lines the pockets of the top management.  Fine the company something reasonable so it can do more than simply limp on and be poached.  But reserve further fines and nasty sentences for the C class executives.  The assholes with the initials (COO, CEO, CFO, etc).  They are the ones who defraud, the ones who lie and then they find a new job after the business implodes.  After, of course, a nice soft landing with their golden parachute.  So stop the cycle.  Charge the executives with a felony, fine them for the millions they stole, and put them in jail.  The real jail where there are shivs and intimate moments in the shower, not the club penitentiary.  These are not stupid people.  If there is a real punishment and follow up these corporate atrocities will end.  Until people find a new way to subvert the law and make money in a different immoral manner.

If you don’t punish them here is a glimpse of what happens.  The company is sold.  The new owners gut the place with massive layoffs.  Those lucky enough to stay do the work of three people maybe more.  They work extended unfair hours simply to keep up.  If they complain too much they are fired and replaced.  You’re a number to them.  Not Mike who is expecting his first child, or Jen who is working her way through her Master’s, or Lisa who supports her two kids after her husband’s accident.  The new team leaders really don’t care about true output.  They care about metrics and numbers.  They are looking to push the needle.  The numbers only grow because costs have dropped catastrophically. Morale goes south but in this economy people are scared to jump ship.  The bright stars leave immediately as they are picked up quickly.  The office becomes a dark swirl of negativity.  A toxic cloud hangs over the place as the vultures perch on the windows.  What’s left is the scared married thirty and forty something’s who really need this job, who have two cars to pay, a kid in daycare, and a mortgage to pay off.  The stock goes up though but no one wants to work there.  Maybe the scared finally get moved from their inaction and overwork and find a few hours here and there to start moving their resume out there.  But the flood of workers and the name of this half dead beast of a company weigh down their cv’s like lead.  The new team announces a sale.  The stock has gone sky high now.  The investors make oodles.  But the company is a husk, a lie.  The new owners bought a fantasy.  It’s in shambles but it’s the others guys problem.  Business isn’t the law of the jungle.  In the jungle you die quickly and don’t suffer in business suffering is slow and drawn out.

That’s why big business can’t be allowed to self-monitor.  That’s why big business cannot be allowed to by elections, to send millions funneled through pundits and special interests to control legislation.  The thing that strikes me is that in college the popular course in business gloss over items like ethics, like morality.  They focus on lean six sigma, they focus on strategy, on metrics.  But they forget a few keys things like not being asshole and how to motivate people beside the threat of firing.  Here are a few tenets I find lacking from popular business ideals:

• Treating people well is encouragement
• Treating people well does not mean they will take advantage of you
• Being nice is not a weakness
• There a things that can’t be measured that are important
• Paying a person is an investment in them and not an expense
• HR is more than handling paperwork and hiring people it is meant for growing the employee and the company

But the easiest thing to do to punish big business is don’t give them money.  Be smart with your money.  Don’t like it when people skimp on wages and cheat by hiring part time and seasonal workers?  Don’t shop at Walmart.  Yes, it’s convenient as all hell but it’s not worth it.  Don’t like it when clothing stores think being fat is a crime?  Don’t shop at Abercrombie and Fitch.  Like gay people?  Don’t buy from Chick Fil A.  The list goes on.

Money is what will change business.  Use yours wisely.  Every dollar you move away from the pockets of the immoral and to their competition the bean counters will eventually take notice.  And these people are the business of making money.  If treating people well becomes the standard by which you’ll give them money they will suck up their principles plaster on a fake smile and hand out raises.  They’ll hate it but they hate losing their bonuses more.

Ben

Anti-Intellectualism

“Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.” ~ Isaac Asimov

There is a slow spring of ignorance and lunacy gripping the nation.  This goes well beyond party lines and the same old rhetoric of demonizing the other side.  It rests within the hands of a few influential and very naughty people.  I choose naughty because some of them are simply irrevocably misinformed.  They are the ostriches in the sand refusing to lift their heads out.  Reason and logic be damned.  Then there are the really insidious people (like the Koch brothers) who spread virulent falsehoods intentionally for their own gain.

I honestly think somewhere there is a handbook called ‘the politics of stupidity’ built simply to induce fervor and hatred among those of low intelligence.  Chapter one is about using scare tactics to incite foolish actions.  Scare tactics are the weapons of morally bankrupt people.  Scare tactics divides people who could be united.  Scare tactics lets you justify any action, like torture, that thing expressly condemned by most of the civilized world and Geneva Convention.  Nope, it’s okay against suspected terrorists.  Maybe they were tried in a kangaroo court, sadly much less fun than an actual court comprised of kangaroos or their captain, maybe they were never tried, while held indefinitely and their crime was never published.  Maybe they can never escape and their supposed wrong doings won’t see the light as the same closed door court ruled it private.  Maybe scare tactics fuel big scary things like the military industrial machine and big business which helps elect the people who use it.

Then there is the audacity and hypocrisy of politicians like Chris Christie and Ted Cruz.  I’d like to write about a Democratic idiot here but these two really scream to be included.  Chris Christie is so full of bluster and nonsense that he thinks saying one thing and doing another is okay.  He made a career saying he was tough on corruption without really being all that tough on corruption it seems.  And New Jersey is rife with corruption as their bosses rival the economic squeezing and tactics of Tammany hall.  What upsets me is his arrogant confidence.  The bridge scandal shows his merciless heartless side.  Closing down lanes in Fort Lee definitely hurt people and very well may have killed people.  Paramedics could not reach people in time.  It is unsure whether during these incidents whether or not the person may have been resuscitated and saved but it certainly could have helped their chances.  Every second is precious to first responders.  Christie's excuses treat the public like petulant children.  He claims not to have known.  He does not deny the closures and that they were in fact lying about the cause and that they were unnecessary.  He instead states that he had no knowledge of this.  This means one of two distressing things.  The man who represents himself as hands on politician who gets things done and knows what is going on is a total lie and he has rogue employees.  This means he can’t handle his responsibilities and should not be in a position of power and is totally incompetent.  The other is that he did know what is going on that this is his best excuse.  He was caught in his cookie jar and his best thought is to say it wasn’t me.  He threw a people onto the sword and hopes the scandal will go away.  Even better he wants, or Fox News does, brownie points for handling things well while the scandal goes on.

Ted Cruz is a dangerous man who is dividing and already damaged and weakened Republican party.  The Tea Party faction is already biting the hand that feeds it and will eventually eat itself once the public finally sees the damage they have wrought.  Sadly they will have left an impressive legacy of hate and corporate indulgence.  Thank you Koch brothers (sarcasm!).  Cruz has twice for his own personal gain attempted to blockade the debt ceiling raise.  No one in their right mind thinks defaulting is good.  And defaulting is what would happen.  The United States would sink even lower in the eyes of the world and our economy which is attempting to limp to recovery would be dealt a very bad blow.  Poverty would increase and in turn homelessness and starvation.  Those are things generally thought of as bad.  His latest stunt forced people to know which Republicans backed down from lunacy.  Sadly this is looked at as a bad thing.  For some reason many within the Republican party seem to think taking their ball and going home is a good political maneuver.  That toying with the future of America’s wellbeing is simply a tool to reelection and power.

I remembered a dangerous Democrat: New York idiot Anthony Weiner.  Now I feel better.  This idiot thought that halfhearted apologies would wipe away former wrong doings.  Also he was arrogant enough to continue to do what got him trouble in the first place.  Now sexting is not necessarily something that gets in the way of holding office.  But this casts a light on your character.  A broken character is important to know in your elected officials.   This is why the Lewinski scandal was a big deal.  However unlike Bill Clinton, Anthony Weiner didn’t stop with the transgressions.  Unlike Clinton Weiner isn’t terribly good at what he does.  Also unlike Clinton Weiner wasn’t being investigated under a microscope.  The Lewinski scandal, for those that remember, started after an investigation into a Whitewater.  Nothing damning was found and the Gingrich led senate, frothing at the mouth, kept pushing for barbs to throw at Clinton.  The special investigator kept asking for more things to investigate and the sprawling investigation finally found the dress.  I do not want to condone what Bill Clinton did.  It was morally reprehensible, but it did not impede his work or his presidency.  Anthony Weiner, however, is a smug little scumbag who thinks he is above the law.  There is a big difference.  The odd thing is the same thing people revile Clinton for they celebrate in JFK.  But maybe that’s difference between banging interns and famous movie starlets.

But these actions are supported in part by the news conglomerates.  These monopolies of lies and falsehoods are gobbled up by individuals like Rupert Murdoch and simply live by their own rules.  They falsify, contort twist and misrepresent.  Many of these pundits have shelf lives, how Bill O'Reilly has managed to stay employed bewilders me, as their virulence and fervor can only be accepted so long.  And both sides are at fault.  Simply calling a man an idiot and a loser is not good enough.  Items like facts and data have to speak louder.  Sadly facts are ignored for fear and hate mongering.  Just ask Glenn Beck.  He would justify his ignorance by saying he was just stirring the pot and creating conversation a tactic that neatly dodged responsibility and repercussions.  Repercussions seem to be something heavily avoided.  News organizations give halfhearted apologies.

I don’t really get my news from mainstream media, left or right, anymore.   I mostly get it from the internet.  Which is why I constantly read about protests and riots (like the one in Kiev, Spain, Columbia, and Venezuela) that either never make it to the news or arrive months later.

But anti-intellectualism weaves itself throughout society.  It lets ignorance flourish and ignore criticism.  Facts become secondary to gut feelings and interpretations.  The thing about science is it is written down and can be countered with evidence.  There are plenty of corrupt (those funded with specific intentions which is counter to the spirit of science and intellectual curiosity) or incorrect studies.  This is why there are those who actively push for children not to have immunization shots and vaccinations.  This simply sickens me.  Parents who defy logic and hurt their own children for some ill-conceived notion.  These are often the same parents who won’t let their children be treated by modern methods.  They refuse lifesaving treatments like blood transfusions.  And these poor doctors and nurses have to deal with this horrid people midst their stressful lives.  Ask an ER doctor, or any doctor for that matter, their horror stories.  It’s enough to have a bad taste in your mouth about humanity.

If you don’t think scientific stupidity and confusion is wide spread or really that bad, you are mostly likely hopeful and, sadly, incorrect.  One out of every four American adults are actually unaware that the Earth orbits the Sun.  This hurts my brain and my soul.  It begs the question about whether these people simply never went to school or that it was never properly taught.  Hell, even the intro for The Big Bang Theory shows the planets and the earth revolving around the sun.  This isn’t some small notion that is not, say, universally shared by just about everyone (except apparent for 25% of the populace).

The next sentence then goes on the talk about that half of this same population thinks that antibiotics (that medicine that is specifically targets to bacterial infections) kills viruses.  Viruses and Bacteria are two wildly different things.  The human body is a carrier for countless beneficial and unique bacteria.  Not so much for viruses.  The story which hurt to read also include, thank goodness, some bright spots about positive endorsements for science and that the government should be involved in funding experimentation for the betterment of mankind.

http://www.iflscience.com/scientific-knoweldge-trails-support-0

The key, I think, is not to view this as science versus religion.  That is a battle that cannot be won.  Religion is a belief strongly encased within the hearts and minds. It is incorruptible to those that hold it dear.  It is beyond reproach.  Also some of these same people ignore the very advice given within their holy texts.  They pick and choose their sayings to support them.  The Bible is filled with inconsistencies.  There are sins that are ignored and others that are not seemingly at random (examples like shellfish, wearing clothes of mixed fiber and homosexuality being one often pointed out)*.

The problem fighting against the wrongs of religion is that the people who are carrying the banner are these whiny, smug Atheists.  Their problem is not that they have poor evidence and not that they lack logical arguments but that they lack humility and compassion.  You are attacking the very cornerstone of someone’s life and morality.  I want to agree with some of these assholes but I can’t bring myself to support, well, assholes.  People like Bill Nye are what we should aspire to be.  His debate over intelligent design and evolution showed acceptance, grace and compassion.  He did not slam or attack his opponent.  He did not belittle or begrudge he simply showed evidence and gave his opinions.  That is the key to enlightening others.  Everyone is on a different path and we don’t know where they are along it.  It is with ingenuity and compassion that anti-intellectualism will be felled.

*http://thecripplegate.com/shellfish-mixed-fabrics-and-homosexuality-picking-and-choosing/

Ben

History is Interpreted

There are many times I dislike the current education system.  Usually because we as a country seem to be content ruining it.  My usual gripe is the whole test mentality.  We judge the students and the school by test scores.  Schools then predominantly try to get their kids study for the test instead of, say, teaching things like critical thinking, common sense and other useful skills but the shit some test maker thought was important.  Not to impugn the people who make tests but fuck them.  The thing you decide to use as a measurement of success not surprisingly becomes the measure of success.  The problem is that with education a real measurement of growth isn’t knowing you should write ‘regardless’ instead of ‘irregardless’ (it’s not a fucking word people).  Although that wouldn’t be a terrible place to start.

The thing that pisses me off is that history teachers and social studies teacher bored the living hell out of me.  They also taught garbage.  Not all of them mind you, but enough to upset me.  And this is a tragedy as history is shockingly interesting.  And not like the nerdy way of saying ‘hey, you should know this so won’t happen again’ (“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it” ~ George Santayana )  and ‘history is cool’ (it is and fuck you for not thinking that) but just learning a few things about history can make you a well-rounded and better person (and chicks dig it).

Let me drop some knowledge on you.  You know that whole gentlemanly code thing.  Not chivalry to heck with that (although tipping your hat dates back to armed knights removing their visor). I mean being a man about town.  When you, present day you, walk with a lady (presuming you are a man, presuming you enjoy the company of ladies carnally and presuming that a lady doesn’t run away from you as long as we are presuming) you end up being on the street side of the sidewalk and lady is on the building side.  Odd that this is the way it’s done.  Some unknown Jungian thing where we peer into the collective unconscious?  Remember when you look into the collective unconscious, the abyss also looks into you or something like that (damn it Nietzsche stop confusing me).  No, it has to do with shit.  Well, with pails of it splashing into the street from the buildings above but shit nonetheless.  See cities and towns didn’t always have this nice thing called a sewer system.  Too bad we forgot most everything the Roman’s knew for a few centuries or so.  So people would fill their pots and fling the contents into the street.  We also didn’t know about this whole germ theory thing but more on that in a moment.  So the gents as they sauntered down the street with their intended they would stay nearer the every jostling pit of filth resembling a street.  Now imagine the whole laying down you coat so a lady can cross the way without sullying her boots or shoes.  Less appealing, right?  Oh good ,shit on the outside of my coat from the constant frothy buckets splashing from the filthy bastards above me into the foul street and laying it down every time the lady meets an intersection to get the inside all nice and juicy.  Old timey me would say, “Seriously we have to stop walking during bucket hour.  You’re totally buying me a new jacket once I’m done burning this one.”

People still believed in this thing called Miasma, or bad air, being the reason for ailments.  Yay, science, medicine and mysticism are best buddies forever.  What?  Mysticism is the thing that doesn’t belong.  Well, shoot.  Miasma was popular in Middle Ages, unsurprisingly, but also espoused in Roman times.  Usually considered to be more, you know, rational and learned.  The germ theory didn’t seem to gain ground until Louis Pasteur in 1860’s (that around the Civil War time for point of reference).  But he wasn’t the first guy to have ideas like this.  The ever crafty Italians had some people with wacky ideas, who hopefully the Papacy didn’t lock away in a tower for daring to advance society, like Girolamo Fracastoro.  Oh, he was born in the in 1470’s.  Yeah, and we can attribute the syphilis to him, or well, rather the name.  He subscribed to the theory of Atomism.  Not quite what we think of as atoms but getting there.

All those facts above, tenuously held together, to me are more interesting that the vast amount of information fed to me in history classes.  This is why history class as an adult pisses me off.  History is interesting.  And worse of all there is so much of it to look at.  And knowing history is like the best game of hey you’re an idiot and let me tell you why.  I highly recommend this game if you haven’t played it.  Caveat you actually have to know more than other people and not just sound like you do.  That’s the problem with this whole internet immediate gratification and delivery of possibly dubious knowledge.  So here are few items to help you play that game.  All basically say fuck you to ‘common knowledge’.  I put common knowledge in quotes because, well is even more dubious than internet sources unless it’s taken from the collective unconscious thing then it’s probably legit.

Look at this excerpt below from an article I found.  In your head, because aloud might be weird, say who first comes to mind.

“On March 2, 1955, [a young African American woman] was riding home on a city bus after school when a bus driver told her to give up her seat to a white passenger. She refused, saying, "It's my constitutional right to sit here as much as that lady. I paid my fare, it's my constitutional right."

Okay.  You’re wrong.  I know it’s mean but the above is about Claudette Colvin who predated Rosa Parks as a civil rights activist and hero but was forgotten by history.  She was an expecting single mother and fifteen years old.  So she eloquently stood up to an aggressor as young woman and later won a major victory for the movement when she went to court over the trouble which ensued.  But civil rights movement chose to celebrate Rosa Parks instead, who most definitely should be celebrated, but isn’t there room for two defiant African American women who did remarkably similar things and both helped this nation move forward.  Claudette was swept under the rug however and this is likely because a young single mother might not be the poster child envisioned.

http://www.biography.com/people/claudette-colvin-11378?page=1

Try this one on for size.  What does the empire of cushy furniture (the Ottomans) and the Irish potato famine have in common?  My first guess would be nothing.   But as this ‘he you’re an idiot and let me tell you why’ that is not correct.   The Ottoman Empire actually helped Ireland during the Potato Famine and defied the English blockade against the aid.  I didn’t even know the English blockaded Ireland to stop aid.  That never entered into my mind.  The whole famine as it was presented to me made rather silly sense.  How does an island starve?  You could fish, right?  It’s a bit more complicated than that and has to do with the English trying to fuck everything that isn’t English or something like that.  I’ll let the article tell you:

“Ottoman Sultan Abdulmecid sent five ships full of food supplies and funds as charity. However, the British administration did not give permission for these ships to enter the ports of Belfast or Dublin. […] these ships secretly discharged their load in Drogheda, a town approximately 70 miles north of Dublin.”

http://www.thepenmagazine.net/the-great-irish-famine-and-the-ottoman-humanitarian-aid-to-ireland/

Now here is tidbit you can throw at would be nutritionists and Atkins followers.  Who gives a shit what ancient man had to eat.  Marlene Zuk an evolutionary biologist, a title given to people who eschew activities like video games and professional wrestling for learning (those poor bastards), wrote a book telling people who think we should eat like primitive man to shut up as their stupidity voiced aloud might affect the gullible and foolish.  The book Paleofantasy (subtle as a hammer lady, er Dr., er, Dr. Lady?) basically says that there isn’t a need to live or eat as we once did it also dissolves some of the misinformation like the supposed paleodiet.  Apparently “researchers discovered evidence that people in Europe were grinding and cooking grain (a paleo-diet bugaboo) as far back as 30,000 years ago, even if they weren’t actually cultivating it.”  This information will surely piss of the anti-sugar fiends.

http://www.salon.com/2013/03/10/paleofantasy_stone_age_delusions/

I’ll throw another fact your way before we end the pseudo lecture.  This source, while I would not say it lacks merit or that it is spurious, is cited on Reddit.  This makes an immediate need for research.  As is often the case in society we fetishize something to the point where its truth is no longer called into question.  For some reason this became the case with swords.  Now don’t get me wrong swords are cool (heck, I studied the Chinese Broadsword, by study I mean learned to whack people with it in a dojo not read up on it) but they are romanticized so much we think all major battle were fought with them.  This is false.  Spears were the weapon of favor.  Samurai used spears, the Roman Legions used spears, and knights used spears.  Swords were not nearly as effective in large scale battles.  Also in the case of knights swords were rather useless against strong armor.  If they had a sword in combat they often used the pommel end to smash the attackers head.  Maybe in shield wall they might use small swords to cut under the shield and hack at ankles or groins but axes and hammers were preferred.  But this is swept away as swords are undeniably cooler.  Although Smash Brothers is a great argument for the effectiveness of the hammer as a weapon.

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/157upf/what_was_sword_fighting_actually_like_did_it/c7k1cd7

Now I hate using Buzzfeed as a source so I grabbed more than one for this knowledge nugget.  But the article, or rather the grouping a pictures with some hastily crayoned “fact” below illustrates a rather interesting point.  Sharks don’t really kill that many people.  Sharks are scary things.  They rank up their with the nightmare fuel that is spiders.  But just saying that means rather little.  Let’s have something measurable.  Metrics are important.  Every years a lot of people die often from embarrassing or frightfully awful ways.  Hippos every year kill more humans than sharks.  Hippos while they seem jubilant and too corpulent to be a problem (Fantasia is full of lies when it comes to Hippos as source by the way) they are in reality heinous killing machine.  They kill around 2,900 people a year.  Ignoring the Indiana Jones movie that never really happened ants are one of nature’s badasses.  They are like the Borg; efficient, remorseless and adaptable.  They kill more than sharks at 30 people per year.  Then there is deer.  You know Bambi.  And no, they aren’t smart enough to take vengeance for redneck hunters who mount heads on walls (yet).  They kill 130 people per year.  Even coconuts kill more than sharks (150 people per year).  This makes me immediate sad.  I would hate giving that eulogy.  Sharks only kill 5 people a year.  But because of the film Jaws, a damn fine movie, people generally kill the sons of bitches.  Peter Benchley, the books author (yes it was a book first you illiterate hobgoblin), is now a shark conservationist.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/awesomer/20-things-that-kill-more-people-than-sharks-every
http://www.bookyourdive.com/blog/2012/4/5/things-more-likely-to-kill-you-than-a-shark

So now that I’ve given you fodder to educate the masses, against their will if need be, you can do what I do - critically think about how we really interpret history.  We only know what has been written and recorded.  Things like book burnings, the raising of libraries, or just passing outright lies as fact (you think todays’ pundits have this cornered?) have given us the shreds of history to wade through.  History books do us a disservice by trying to sum up and group facts as if they are all encompassing.  I patiently tried not to throttle a teenager who insisted that nearly all people in Europe during the Middle Ages were illiterate.  I simply asked “how do you know?” and he stared at me with bovine intelligence.  He parroted what he saw in textbooks.  In my head only I continued the argument.   I knew further engaging him in argument further would not lead to any enlightenment for him or resolution for me.  George Carlin said, “Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.” In my head I asked him if he thinks everything he reads is true.  In my head I asked him if only church officials knew how to read why would information counter to the church survive?  Obviously this is unfair as there are other cultures out there storing, adding and deleting information but don’t fuck with my argument.  I simply told him he was wrong, sting a few facts and turned away from him and started a conversation with someone who wouldn’t cause my mind to rot.  Stymied he continued arguing out loud to no one.  Fortunately ignorance is not always contagious. Truth isn’t always contagious either.  I can hope that truth (which as some urn once told me is beautiful) is sought out.  Seek on.

Ben