Ode to the Socially Awkward Male

I found myself looking through Netflix instant keenly aware of the amount of garbage clogging up the categories that I have to filter through in order to find one or two movies that won’t simultaneously make my eyes bleed and hurt my logic center.  The logic center is just past the caramel center in men and the scented bath soap center in women.  I still can’t decided if it would be a funny to redact the women part implying females have no logic but I know this be false (take that humorous but outdated stereotypes).  There is just so much junk.  The same for so much media.  There is all this nonsense to filter through as if someone said more is better.  I could wish for a filter but that might mean I’d lose the one or two pleasant surprises I’ve found by digging through.  I’ve found my share of crapfests that I regret having witnessed but I chalk those up to a learning experience.  Learning never to let those people be allowed near a camera again; I’m building a list when I eventually have the resources to follow through.

But it’s not just Netflix or media but knowledge in general.  There is no good filter.  No ratings for news or instruction just your ability to figure out if this is garbage or not.  We are constantly bombarded that it is sensory overload.  There really is only so much we can pay attention to.  It’s why we generally attribute city people, especially big cities like new York, qualities like rushed and asinine whereas small town people we associate charm and garrulousness.  This can be explained by the amount of stimuli in each area.  If you paid attention to every little thing in New York you would tire yourself out before reaching work.  It’s not callous it’s your brain compensating for the environment.  That isn’t  to say that there doesn’t exist  callous jerks who wouldn’t glance in your direction or get off the phone with their ‘besty’ as you have a heart attack in front of them, because there are plenty of people like that.  With all the overstimulation it is no wonder a lot of people retreat from social interaction or at least no offline social interaction.  Enter the socially awkward male.

A bit of background.  The socially awkward male is usually what you would term nerd, geek, spazoid, dweeb or various other high school insults.  This does not confer upon them the distinctly intelligence necessarily.  This does not include man boys either.  They act like grown children but they tend to have bit more social understanding.  Manboys lack things like social grace, and tact but not the true fundamentals.  The true socially awkward never quite integrated into school society.  They usually felt ostracized or driven out.  This is part true and in part not so much true.  A lot of this isolation was self inflicted.  The actually act of socializing and being around others causes stress or anxiety.  Little things become monstrously blown out of proportion.  Decisions are made not to increase happiness but to make as little social impact as possible: “I’ll wear this hat to school because they other one might get me noticed.”

The internet society is in no way causing this but I can say it is certainly elevating the chances of proper socialization.  This influx of stuff drives people indoors and away from others.  They communicate through mouse clicks not talking. Very core and basic building blocks of interaction are stripped away.  And the internet is helping this proliferation of the socially awkward.

How you carry yourself is immediately picked up on in very primal manner.  This is something I wish I had known when younger and I was picked on.  I had/have some learning disabilities and that led to bit of the tendencies above.  I was, at various points in my life, rather socially awkward.  Significantly less so now because being alone all day, or constantly worrying about how people will react or treat you,  isn’t particularly fun.  The way predators in the animal kingdom pick out the weak and sick in the herd so do bullies.  They don’t go just by size or by glasses they go by posture and how you carry yourself.  Averted eye contact, slumped shoulder and shuffled feet are big indicators.  It’s easy to notice if you look for it.  Seriously stand in front of mirror with bad posture and worrisome attitude.  Then stand with good posture and a positive but take no shit attitude.  These are two very different people looking back at you.  One of them will not get picked on.

Shows like The Big Bang Theory tend to oversimplify social awkward males.  It’s acceptable to be  dick and a weirdo if you’re a genius.  Same thing with House.  If the guy wasn’t right a;; the time he’d just be an asshole not a savant.  There are people who simple shun social niceties not because of anxiety but simply because they aren’t rather nice.  The social awkward male is a person who thinks long and hard about wearing a new shirt to work even if someone else said it looked nice other said it looked nice because there a chance someone may poke fun of them.  Then think about it all day.  In the shower, during the drive over, at work and they breathe a sigh of relief when they get home with crisis averted.  Even though there was confrontation they played through it in their mind countless time and spent emotional energy during with anxiety.  They could walk in like it was a normal day or even strut in like they were fabulous (probably not).  But socially awkward males have this specter of bullying hanging over them like Damocles’ sword.  They never know when it will cut they simply ‘know’ it will happen.

The worst part of this problem is that the very thing that gives them the most stress and anxiety is the very thing they need to get better.  Being social.  It can be terrifying to a young guy who spends too much time playing video game or behind the computer.  And especially harmful are all the people telling him to just do it like walking out the door into the world will magically cure what ails him (although in a sense it kinda will).  But they don’t know that.  They think the whole world is watching and critiquing them.  Watching for that moment to strike and upset them.  So they shy away and find other people who are awkward and hang out with them.  They discuss with vehement internet rage that the New George Lucas was the evil alternate universe version of the old George Lucas who made movie people enjoyed.  They would recount good Lucas’ fall and subsequent imprisonment and they would plot to free him.

Don’t pity these men but certainly don’t mock them.  But remember if you do they probably won’t do anything about.  Except bitch on the internet.  But they’ll get bored of that and then focus back on EA or BioWare.  Because obviously Origin is awful and only built to torment them.  But it kind of is so they aren’t totally wrong.

Ben