Thursday, June 26, 2014

The Problem with Neckbeards

The internet is awash in useless terminology, silly memes, bad information, and lots of naked people slapping genitals.  In regards to terminology once term gave me some pause: the neckbeard.  It is a cruel and malicious term, much like the anonymous denizens of comments section who fling it about, but it had resonance.

So what is a neckbeard?  It is not simply a socially awkward male; it is a subset of that distinction.  Let’s be honest, it seems there is a large percentage of people who are or were (myself included) socially awkward males.  For you grammar jerks out there I was formerly a socially awkward male.  For you really uptight grammar jerks the former part refers to my social awkwardness.

Being a socially awkward male can range from endearing or savable to full on kill it with fire.  Neckbeards fall a wee bit closer to the later part.  The term comes from those who grow facial hair usually just along the chin line to give definition to the area and to hide jowels.  It’s like the baggy jeans of your face.  It is fooling anyone and it is not a good look.  But hey, it’s your body and body shaming is bad.  They stereotypical look of a neckbeard is white, overweight, not great skin, patchy hair along the jaw line, and trilbies or fedoras.  I do not know the difference between those two hats.  From that it seems like an overweight nerdy hipster.  This is partially right.  Both are snotty and think they know better than you.  Again we are talking stereotypes here.  There are plenty of people who fall into either category who are not snotty or repellent.

A major distinction is that the hipster likes things (not always ironically) while the neckbeard seems to be filled with misplaced impotent rage.  Nothing is really likeable.  They find fault in everything.  They are malcontents.  They are not necessarily wrong all the time.  I’m not a ray of fucking sunshine all the time but I try to be cheery now and again.  I’d be an insufferable bastard otherwise.  Even with my penchant for complaining and moodiness I really do like socializing.

When I was in high school however I was teetering on the edge of being a neckbeard.  I was overweight, not drastically but certainly enough to be made fun of.  I did at times attempt to remedy this when I was younger and make some progress.  But doritos and laziness usually won out.  But hey I was an idiot teenager like well just about every teenager that has existed.  I was socially inept.  I kept myself on the sidelines because it was easier to critique the popular kids.  I could call them fake or insincere and feel justified in being better somehow.  I wasn’t.  I was simply hiding from things.  I was hiding from the potential of being awkward in front of people.  I was hiding from being judged.  I was being an idiot and being afraid.  But I didn’t quite realize it yet.  That’s okay.

One thing that upsets me about neckbeards, and younger me, is the unrealistic hating of others.  They are not as talented as me I might say to myself.  It is impossible to tell if I was more talented if I didn’t try and prove it.  I didn’t really push myself to write or perform like I wanted to do.  But in my mind I knew I was better.  I wrote, but I rarely showed it off, never wanted criticism.  Failure was viewed as someon not understanding not me simply not being good enough and learning from it.  I could have been a better writer had I simply had a thicker skin.  But so many arguments I could create to avoid responsibility, failure, or trying hard.  They wouldn’t understand.  They would hate it because I wasn’t popular.  I was simply making excuses for my fear.  I was getting angry at people who didn’t deserve it.  Yeah, maybe the people who made fun of me deserve some grief but in a weird sense I deserved the teasing.  Now, I would never advocate for the teasing of kids.  Bullying is much worse I think than people realize.  It has destroyed lives, caused suicides, violent retaliations, and years of mental anguish.  With the internet the speed at which you can humiliate someone has increased.  I was picked on a lot when I was younger.  People are cruel.  I realize many of things now I could have done to have stopped it in its tracks.  Posture is a big thing.  If you walk shoulders slumped like a victim you are inviting assholes to target you.  Yes, people shouldn’t be assholes but making a change to avoid bullies is smart.

Kids are cruel and don’t always empathize with the feelings of those they hurt.  It takes time to understand how your actions affect others.  Kids initially take glee from seeing another kid run away crying.  It can be funny to them.  An adult, a normal one, should feel anguish at causing that reaction.

But neckbeards are bullies in a sense.  They are hopelessly negative.  They drag everything down.  They criticize simply to criticize.  They bring toxic negativity.  Hugs alone will no fix the problem; it might help though.  Yes, I was a bit of a debbie downer.  I wasn't listening to the cure and wearing all black but I was often an unpleasant dick.

So neckbeards are social inept and they blame other people for their problems.  They have a distorted view of themselves and those around them.  It’s rather unhealthy.  I am not proud of having some of those qualities as younger me.  I am very proud that I am not like as an adult.  Yes I complain, a lot, but not about Wendy ignoring me and being in love with that jerk who is such an asshole.  I complain about the rape of the middle class, ineffective management, and the environment.  Things I care about.  I also write this and post publicly for people to comment on.  I do scary things every once in a while to make sure I don’t pull back to the sidelines where things are safe but boring.

Here’s the creepy part about neckbeards, how they deal with women.  Now men oftentimes view women as a collection of parts designed for sexual release.  This is generally agreed upon as being rude and misogynistic.  Neckbeards have this weird fetish with women and wonderful but stupid beings.  They love them from afar.  They craft a wonderful love story.  If only she would notice me and realize how I awesome I am instead of stupid Joey and his blazingly white smile.  Fuck Joey and his magnificent hair.  They create an impossible image.  They make here into somehitng unreal.  Something the real person cannot live up to.  Then they grow jealous.  Jealous of the woman they dare not approach.

There are the neckbeards who don’t lurk in the shadows.  Those are the guys who call all women m’lady.  Like its fucking charming and saying that causes a woman to drop her panties and mount an unattractive man.  If I’m nice to her she’ll bang me.  Then they get mad for not getting the girl.  News flash you are not taking into consideration her feeling or opinions.

For the record I never said m’lady.  I was an idiot with women for a while but most men are idiots with women for various reasons.

But the neckbeard really just needs to grow the fuck up.  But life is rough for an overweight kid, perhaps with acne, asthma and all the various complexes that come with it.  Hell, they might be idiots on top of that.  Being fat, nerdy and stupid is like the bully trifecta.  It is their responsibility to come to their sense but some help not hurt.  I’m not saying go out and fuck a neckbeard to help their self-esteem but maybe a nice hello and how are you interaction might do wonders.  Society has wounded these poor bastards and they have adapted horribly to it.  It might not be a bad idea to be a little extra nice to them.  Unless, of course, you are a hot woman in which case I advise you to simply smile politely and leave or completely ninja vanish.  They will miscue a pleasant interaction for affection and a nerd crush of that magnitude is an ugly and volatile thing.
But seriously shave that fucking thing off you look ridiculous.

Ben