I was asked not long ago why they were making a sequel to G.I.
Joe, they being Hollywood. My friend was not exactly a fan of the movie. I, however, was able to enjoy the movie as
I turned off the part of my brain that access to higher functions like logic
and analysis. I simply focused on the
shiny lasers and pew pew noises. The sequel
demonstrates the care Hollywood has for its moviegoers. Not much.
The essentially took all the protagonists away and replaced them with
more famous people and additional ninjas.
This, in my opinion, is not a bad thing.
However, as a sequel you normally have a bit more continuity than that. It’s like the second matrix movie they
dropped Neo and Morpheus and just added the Rock and more ninjas. Strangely, I think I might be okay with this
movie as well. But this isn’t a true sequel. It is using a brand name that has some value
and cashing in on it.
Hollywood makes bad movies not because they lack originality
(although that helps) but because bad movies make money. If bad movies didn’t make money they wouldn’t
keep making them. If the only things
that made money were films by Nolan we’d see a whole lot more cool shit. But sadly both Avatar movies made a bunch of
money too. Avatar 1 being blue dances
with wolves which is a crappy white apology movie and Avatar 2 being a really bad
reworking of a decent character driven children’s show with original ideas and
well thought out mythology. Avatar 2 the
cartoon worked not because it was unpredictable (I knew how it was going to go
down somewhere around season one end, as a film major I could spot narrative structure
and device) but because it made sense and followed a logical progression with
real characters who never betrayed the rules and limitations set on them. What I mean by betraying the rules and
limitations set on them is that if you’re character is a braggart there is a
reason for this. They don’t suddenly
become modest after a lesson in one show which demonstrates the good of low key
behavior, no they have character arc and they progress and regress and act, you
know, like fucking human might. Hell,
the flying bison had a more convincing plot line and personality than character
in the first G.I Joe movie.
Austin Powers is not the epitome of high intellectual humor. The first movie was charming, small, and had
some subtle moments that took chances and did not patronize the audience. It never winked at the audience and said, “Hey,
the joke is coming in a moment. It’s
about me being fat, because holy Christ I’m fat!” By the time the third movie lumbered in
subtlety was gone. Jokes were repeated
ad nauseum. It was safe and profitable. The movie made by these movies went up
considerable each film. The originality,
nuance and respect for the audience went down.
Yet we slapped down money at the counter and demanded to fed this
crap. It’s our fault.
So that explains sequels, sort of, and also a whole lot of
shitty predictable safe movies - a lot of these are called high concept, if you
see a movie that explains the whole of the plot in ten seconds of the preview
and spend the remaining time showing pensive characters, its high concept. Now rip off and remakes. This has been going on forever. The Terminator is a kick ass movie with an
intentionally wooden Schwarzenegger killing stuff and being awesome. Sadly the story line was outright stolen from
two stories by Harlan Ellison (an impressive Science Fiction author who has
been involved or inspired much of the important bits of the genre). The original films at the turn of the century,
when Hollywood was yet to even be a thing, were retellings of popular tales. Filmmakers stole consistently from each other
as patent, copyright, and intellectual property were not yet defined for the
burgeoning media. If you watch very old
pieces you’ll see signs in the background that served to prove who actually created
the film reel in question so no one could steal/reshow that movie without incriminating
oneself. Film was based off stealing,
borrowing and reworking. Hell, noted
authors have stated that are only a few basic archetypes for all narrative just
a few different tweaks. Spanish
telanovas, yes I am god damn going here, basically follow only one plot
line. A pretty poor girl goes to work
for a wealthy family. There are two
sons. One is very good and one is very
bad. Insert drama and romance. Change little bits around. Fuck, I’m putting together a treatment right
now for Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in that.
And yes it should still be in Spanish.
And don’t think this is only film.
Shakespeare, the Bard for fucks sake, added a reworked version of Romeo
and Juliet into A midsummer Night’s Dream and had the mechanicals foul it up
for comedic effect. And Shakespeare had
sequelitis worse than George Lucas (but a much worse rights deal).
So Hollywood steals, remakes, retweeaks, tell unoriginal or
bad stories. But there is one thing
Hollywood is good at (besides making money and marketing, I should have said
three things and then listed what I’m about to say after but that would fuck
with the flow so back off man).
Hollywood kicks ass at giving money to important people. They are awesome at being litigious. They rock at attacking the internet and our
freedoms. They do this because they can
and they do this because they have money.
They also do this so that they can avoid adapting to the new model of
the internet properly. Anyone remember
the writer’s strike? Reminder they weren’t
getting paid for content on the internet which Hollywood profited from. Here is a link from Peter Sunde (Pirate Bay)
on the sidestepping of the evolution of the industry.
ACTA, SOPA, PIPA
These things are scary.
This is legislation pushed through by older men and women who don’t
quite understand the issue at hand, or worse still remain intentionally and
willfully ignorant - or worst of all the
people who do understand but don’t care – backed by entrainment industry
protecting themselves not by being better in content delivery or behavior and
,you know, encourage legal and profitable use of their products, but by ruining
our freedoms. Yes, this would not come
about if people weren’t working the system but the internet is here and it’s
staying. Work with this beast not hack
at it and make it angry. If we could get
the public to get as angry over other issues like they did over SOPA and PIPA
we would be in a much better country tomorrow.
But most likely our elected officials will continue backdooring in
policy without us noticing and hoping we go along with our live blissfully ignorant
to our plight. But, hey, we all share responsibility
for this and taking action is hard and stuff.
I might miss my show.
In short support business like Netflix and Gamefly and say
fuck you to Hollywood as much possible.
And to the assholes who griped about Netflix when they split up their services
and started charging more I say, “Shut up.
Do you want sit to go back to the way it was with Blockbuster and the other
rental chains? Five bucks and late
fees. Fuck you. Unlimited streaming free goodness. And legal.”
Actua;;y don’t say fuck you to Hollywood. Go to movies just please go to good films and
maybe just maybe festering piles like Twilight will stop being made.
Ben
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Thanks for posting. You are awesome!